When it comes to relationships, saying the phrase “it’s complicated” is an understatement. Also, we don't want to awaken love till the right time.  And the right time is usually marked by maturity.  So how do we know if the person we are dating is mature and ready for a relationship? My church, River Valley Church, has recently started a relationship series that you can can check out here.

Along with hearing some great teaching on relationships, here’s a few thoughts I have put together about the dating scene. We will have a post similar to this to the ladies tomorrow. However, this one is for the guys. With that said, here’s my thoughts on…

How To Know If You Are Dating a Boy or a Man:

1.  A BOY MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH BUT A MAN MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE MORE THAN ENOUGH.  

Hey girls, if you have to constantly prove to your guy that you are more attractive and better looking than the other girls around you, then he doesn't deserve you.  From what i've heard, it's hard enough to navigate the pressures with other girls so you don’t need false pressure from your guy.  If a guy truly loves his girl, she will be enough and what she lacks, he becomes her strength in that area.  Let 2 Corinthians 12:9 be inspiration for you for your guy to love you like Jesus loves you.

2.  A BOY IS POSSESSIVE BUT A MAN IS PROTECTIVE.  

Guys, if the relationship is healthy, she will trust you.  If she doesn't, then you'll naturally be afraid of losing her.  So guys, stop trying to control the moment because of your own insecurity, pride, etc.  If you make her feel cherished and loved...what girl wouldn't want to be in the arms of a dude like that?  So loosen the grip, son. 

3.  A BOY IS CONSIDERS WHETHER HE COULD DO BETTER BUT A MAN IS CONFIDENT HE HAS THE BEST.  

Hey girls, a guy who is always looking for the next best thing that comes his way is not the guy you want to be with.  He should only have eyes for you.  Guys, if you are “looking” at other women when you are in the presence of the girl you committed to, then you aren't ready for a relationship.  A guy can change his mind, that's fine.  But a guy that has committed himself to a relationship but is only in it for the benefits for himself, is a guy that is not ready to be dating anyone.  A man makes his commitment and sticks with it.  If he starts to question where his relationship is going, then he will have the conversation when necessary. 

4.  A BOY IS INTERESTED IN "LOOKS" BUT A MAN IS INTERESTED IN LIFE. 

How you do life matters. Because looks fade.  Feelings diminish at times.  But a man shows you how to do life together. And that will sustain your relationship for the long haul.  How you both line up with faith, passions, interests, raising kids, how you vacation, what movies you like, how you spend your Saturday Nights, what you laugh at, what you cry at, what you fight about...will show you if who you are building your life with is in it for you or simply into your looks. John 10:10 shows us when you live life to the full, your interests and your partner’s interests take on a different meaning because Jesus is at the center of it all.



5,  A BOY MAKES HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS FEEL THREATENING BUT A MAN MAKES HER ACCOMPLISHMENTS WORTHY OF PROTECTING.  

I love celebrating my wife's accomplishments.  She has had a great career in the Christian music industry, orphan care, church life, the financial industry and ministry.  Her success at all these things doesn't threaten me but makes me proud of what a woman she is.  Guys, champion your lady to be successful because she's more capable than you think! 

6.  A BOY PLAYS IN THE MOMENT BUT A MAN PREPARES FOR THE FUTURE. 

 A lot of us guys can't think past the next 2 minutes when they're with a girl.  Sometimes all we see is her beauty.  And all we are trying to do is not talk like an idiot or act like a complete moron.  So every moment with our girl makes us feel crazy because we don't want to blow it.  And when we get to the romance part, we are going a 1000 mph.  So it is tough to find our pace, take it slow and enjoy the next few hours when we are with the girl of our dreams.  So guys, that's why you have to not live from feeling to feeling or moment to moment but think about the big picture.  Too many guys have lost their “future wife” acting in a moment.  So when I say prepare, I am saying think about before-hand what your actions could do to her or to you or to those around you.  Proverbs 22:3 says this, “A prudent man with insight foresees danger coming and prepares himself for it. But the senseless rush blindly forward and suffer the consequences.” Think before you act, fellas.  

7.  A BOY LOOKS TO GAIN POPULARITY FROM YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS BUT A MAN GAINS PROMOTION FROM YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  

It's like this:  If people she respects most doesn't like him or care to be around him, then it's probably not a good fit.  Plain and simple, y'allz.

8. A BOY GUESSES WHAT'S HAPPENING AND JUMPS TO CONCLUSIONS IN SITUATIONS BUT A MAN GAINS WISDOM ADJUSTS HIS COMPOSURE.  

Guys get hotheaded.  We get into fights.  We don't wanna be wrong and we can be very prideful.  So fella's, seek the wisdom.  The best starting place for that is in the Bible so if you haven't read the Scriptures in a while, then there's your first problem.   Put yourself in the presence of God and in the presence of those who are wiser than you. Find those who have done relationships well and ask for advice.  They probably have a few good things to say about relationships so stop and ask them about how they made it “this far” with their “favorite girl” and listen up!

9.  A BOY IS CONCERNED HOW SHE LOOKS TO HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND MAN IS CONCERNED HOW SHE LOVES HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS.  

A man wants his girl to be liked by his family and friends.  Because those closest to his family and friends have a pretty good radar if she's the one.  So girls, take special heed to the other special ladies in his life...I’m talking about mom’s and sister’s.  How you interact and love those who are special in his life is a good way for you to make an impression and make him feel good about the choice he made. Also how he loves, honors and respects the other ladies in his life is a good indicator on how he will do the same with you."

10.  A BOY IS RECKLESS WITH HIS LIFE BUT A MAN IS RELIABLE WITH HIS LIFE. 

There is an understanding in relationships that an important attribute to look for in love is security. I understand that there are many things in life that we depend on but can’t be 100% sure of — our job, our health and etc. But in view of this, be a man who iis going to be there for her in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer…for poorer, etc. Because trust, honest and dependable are essentials to do life with someone for the long haul.

Coming up next, how to know if you are dating a girl or a woman…

Any you would add?