We have been looking at how to approach the issue of porn as The New Young Christian. If you didn’t read part 1 yet, check it out here before reading part 2 as we are laying foundation …
Sex is in the Bible. The nature of sex is to be connected and whole with another person (Genesis 2:24). In the context of marriage, being connected to your spouse is a healthy good thing…the way God intended. Sex in the confides of marriage is supposed to bond you to that other person so that you want nothing else but to be with them, to be intimate with them and to love them. That’s why divorce is so hard on a couple. They are glued together and are literally being psychologically, physically and emotionally ripped apart from being bonded to each other.
Porn has the same effect but you become addicted to your screens. You become glued psychologically, physically and emotionally to the images you look and it bonds you to this false life and it’s just as hard to rip yourself away from it (1 Corinthians 6:16). Because of the nature of sex and how it was designed, it is meant to make you “addicted”, in a way, with the person you are intimate with which is why your “crazy ex’s” act the way they are because they “just can’t quit you.” Porn's addiction is powerful and when you find the girl of your dreams, you have to “divorce” yourself from your computer images so that you can bond to the girl or the guy that you are supposed to be with. But you “can’t” because you seem “addicted” or “fused” to this porn lifestyle and addiction.
An article came out recently in Time magazine on this issue of pornography and it’s effects on human beings. The article highlighted a generation of young people saying they have had enough of pornography and they simply don’t want it anymore. These young people (not specified as Christian but simply young people which is interesting) are saying they grew up with internet porn and are becoming advocates of turning it off. To have those who have not read the Bible who don’t seem to profess to be Christians come to the revelation that porn is damaging to their health, is pretty phenomenal. The article says this,
“A growing number of young men are convinced that their sexual responses have been sabotaged because their brains were virtually marinated in porn when they were adolescents. Their generation has consumed explicit content in quantities and varieties never before possible on devices designed to deliver content swiftly and privately all at an age when their brains were more plastic-more prone to permanent change…. “ (Time, April 11, 2016, PG 42).
The church has been sounding the alarm and now the generation is joining in. But this revelation is not catching God by surprise. God knows the power of the brain and what these images can do. That’s why God was crystal clear when He said, “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:1-2). When it comes to your brain, these online images will do damage. What you see and look at does make an impression. Every good experience (love, joy, peace, etc) creates a pattern in your brain but so does every negative experience, specifically negative sexual experiences. You are impressionable to messages so fill your head with good things to become a healthy person.
One of the leading researchers in this is William Struthers. He’s a Christian biopsychologist and he wrote a book called Wired for Intimacy. He examines what the Bible says, what biology and current medicine has to say about how we react physically, mentally and emotionally to sex. He says,
“As we fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path that’s created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time, these neural paths become wider, as they are repeatedly travelled with each exposure to pornography.”
Basically, when you engage in pornographic behavior, you are creating a pleasure path that is a trail that you essentially forge in your brain. That path you carve out in your mind is a path of you don't want to continue to head down. It's from the same part of the brain that has similar responses as that of heroin or cocaine so essentially, sex and drugs create the same neural pleasure paths.
I live in Arizona and hiking is a common past time. But there are warning signs, especially on dangerous parts of the trails that give hikers warning NOT to venture off the trail to form a new one. Some hikers don’t listen and want to leave the trail to access an undiscovered part of the landscape so they can choose a new direction to create a new path because of their lust for adventure. However some meet their end and even have memorials dedicated to hikers who have decided to take it upon themselves to create these new paths but are unaware of the dangers that was present as that new path wasn’t safe and they fell to their death.
Your brain is an uncharted wilderness with select, beautiful trails. These paths that are there are mostly from good experiences and from memories. But essentially porn's desire compels you to leave the trail and make a new trail. This trail is a rough cut-through at first. But because of what you feel when you go on this cut through, it wears through to become a path. The more we travel down this neurological pathway, the more it becomes a trail that we continue to head down and the end result is addiction.
These paths are hard to avoid because porn leaves you wanting more. According to fightthenewdrug.org, “Because of its addictive nature, in order to just feel some sense of normality, an individual usually needs an ever increasing dosage of porn. The material that they seek out also evolves. Over time, their appetite pushes them to more hardcore versions to achieve the same level of arousal.” When a person is aroused by porn their brain releases dopamine that takes them feel pleasure. And that chemical, dopamine, creates a pathway for the porn feeling to run on. Basically, dopamine says, “this feels good so let’s mark this path so we remember to follow it next time.” IN the context of marriage, it’s a good thing. In the context of porn….not so good.
John Mayer, famous musician, said it in a recent article in Rolling Stone Magazine, “
“I am the new generation of masturbator,” he explains. “I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee … I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes.”
John Mayer is caught in his own addiction to sex and pornography. However, their are celebrities who are taking a better stand against porn like joseph Gordon Levitt, Terry Cruz and others in this generation who are wanting to fight. Our fight begins as followers of Jesus to go back to the ancient paths that God put in us before we ever saw pornography. These paths are ancient paths that keep you healthy in your mind and heart as they lead back to the places where God can heal, develop and inspire you. Jeremiah 6:16 says, "This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.” You are in need of rest and it starts by leaving the familiar porn paths and returning to the trails that matter to you that are connected to faith, family and friends…not the glow of your phone.
Since God created you and wired you for sex and intimacy, then let’s see what God says about how He made you and how you function. Here’s the foundation to build upon before we get practical:
+ Your body is not to do what you want with it. (1 Corinthians 6:1-20)
+ Your body is a house where God lives in it (1 Corinthians 6:19)
+ Admit your weakness (Romans 8:26)
+ No more excuses - I’m serious - you can actually be free from a distorted sexual past (1 Corinthians 6:9-12)
+ It’s not about emotion but truth and Jesus is the source of it (John 14:6)
+ Confess your sin to God (1 John 1:9)
+ Jesus set you free (John 8:36)
+ Self-control comes from God (Galations 5:22-23 1 Peter 1:13, Titus 2:11-12)
+ You won’t be free from temptation but you can stay free from porn (1 Corinthians 10:13)
+ You’ll still have thoughts and feelings (God doesn't take them away because they are there for a reason but they were distorted) but daily give it to Jesus (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)
Now that we have laid this foundation of Scripture, let’s get to the practical.
7 Ways To Have The Sex Life You’ve Always Wanted
(part 3 drops tomorrow)