How To Quit Porn Once and For All Part 1

If there is an issue that I hear more and more talked about with young people, it’s the issue of pornography.  Personally, my discussions are more frequent  than ever because porn is more frequent than ever.  It seems to make sense that the more accessible lust is the more acceptable lust is.  Which is why we need to create contexts for more conversations on this matter of sexual brokenness with this generation. 

“It seems to make sense that the more accessible lust is the more acceptable lust is. ”

We’ve always been a sexualized culture and that’s why the Bible addresses the issues of sexuality with wisdom from Scripture (Proverbs 7, John 4:16-18; 1 Corinthians 6:12-20, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4; 1 Peter 1:15; etc).  So God’s not outta touch…He gets it.  Even though “pornea” is where we get the word “porn” found in the Greek in Scripture 32 times (Matthew 5:32, Romans 1:29-31, 1 Corinthians 5:1, Galations 5:19-20, Jude 1:7, and 32 other times in the Bible), porn has been around us from the days of the Bible.  But it became mainstream in the 1953 with the introduction of Playboy and from there, it has  become a 10-14 billion dollar industry (making more money than our professional sports of football, basketball and baseball combined.)  You might say, “Well I don’t pay for it” but your click frequency creates advertising opportunities for disgusting companies to profit from it.  So every click of your mouse and log-on to their site is a dollar sign keeping the industry nice and strong to produce more, FYI.

I’ve chosen to engage this topic with the young people I’ve been pastoring because I really believe you can be free and stay free.  I’ve experienced an anticipated response from culture, specifically from young guys, where it seems failure is normal and lust is expected.  A group of guys sitting around affirming the expected failures involving our sex drive is not God’s best for these guys or you…it can be progress to be open about failures, yes, but it’s not the desired end result for any young person battling porn addiction.  Sexual dysfunction (porn, masturbation, casual sex, friends with benefits, etc) can become accepted and tolerated with others.  Even believers in a spiritual community can become comfortable with it (this was the case with people in the city of Corinth).  But we can live free from the effects of pornography in our culture.

For me personally as a pastor, porn is only a “click” away and I am choosing every day to live free and clear from it’s addictive tendencies.  I really want to be an example of a follower of Christ who can live free rather than giving excuses I’ve heard (“well as guys we aren’t really ever ‘free’ from lust, you know?”…not true).  I refuse to be the pastor that has “the gap” of what happens publically and what happens privately.  That’s how pastors, leaders, husbands, fathers, sons, etc, implode because there is a slow erosion of character in the gaps between what people see us on our “platforms” at work, at school, families, teams, etc and who we are when no one is looking.  I will do whatever it takes to not have "the gap" and live a life of who I am on-stage and who I am off-stage be consistent.  It’s a fight and I am choosing Jesus which means I am winning. 

“I think in the Christian culture we have a heavy emphasis on ‘not sinning’ but we also need an equal if not more emphasis on pursuing purity. ”

I still have contact with young people who are part of #fightclub.  We are all "young Brad Pitts" fighting ourselves and overcoming our own personal battles of sexual addiction while “you do not talk  about fight club” we all know it’s there and we have chosen to be fight and win.  I have talked to guys who have started with the struggle but who are now free from porn because we choose to be honest, accountable, hungry for God, loving our wives, giving our all, honoring all the women around us, loving God and pursing Jesus with everything we got.  While not being weird Christians who have decided to move to a cave without electricity to avoid the dangers of media.  It is about resisting but it’s also about "drawing near."  I think in the Christian culture we have a heavy emphasis on “not sinning” but we also need an equal if not more emphasis on pursuing purity. 

James says, “Submit to God.  Resist the devil.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”  I know the devil isn’t behind every pornographic temptation.  But the idea there is RESIST.  We know how to put filters on our phones, software on our computers, develop community groups to share our struggles, etc.  So we choose to resist and we can be good at it.  But are we as good at drawing near or in other words PURSUING?  If not, we need to be.  

It’s not just about stopping bad behaviors but t's also about starting new ones.  Isn’t that repentance?  It’s turning from sin (rebellion towards God's best plan for us)  and moving forward into God’s grace (God's approval of us).  As Christians, we can be great at turning from sin but can be bad at moving forward.  Repentance without progression is spiritually walking in circles.  Maybe our battle with porn is less of a spiritual rollercoaster and more of a tilt-a-whirl.  Moving in circles because we don’t pursue we just keep trying to stop sinning and turn but with no forward motion.  This is why so many incredible young people give up or say to me overcoming porn is “too difficult.”  It’s less about trying to give you a 1001 ways to stop looking at porn and more about giving you a singular goal:  pursue Jesus. 

“As Christians, we can be great at turning from sin but can be bad at moving forward. Repentance without progression is spiritually walking in circles. ”

Porn allows us to give ourselves to something that we CAN SEE that is NOT REAL.   But the Bible offers us to give ourselves to something that we CAN’T SEE that IS REAL.  It’s faith in Jesus (1 Peter 1:8-9).    The best way to overcome the temptation in general is to follow the one who overcame temptation and didn’t sin.  That’s Jesus.  So seek Christ.  Worship.  Pray.  Fill your room with the praises of Christ.   Seek the cross.  Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.  I guarantee it is a lot harder to look at pornography when you’ve got Jesus Culture playing in your room with your Bible on your bed and a Scripture graphic on your phone that you are trying to commit to memory and look at porn at the same time.  You are much less likely to turn to porn when God means so much to you because porn loses it’s pull over you when God matters more to you. 

Lust says “I want it.”  The struggle is real but so is Jesus.  So here’s the first step in beating your porn addiction: Make Jesus your pursuit.  If lust says “I want it” then let pursuit say “I want God.”  If pride says, “I got this on my own” then let pursuit say “I got God and He’s with me.”  If weakness says “I can’t do it, I wanna give up” then let pursuit say, “God can do it keep going” because of grace His strength is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

Beating porn starts first with Jesus and letting him into your life.  Not religion or performance-based faith but a true encounter with Christ.  And keep going, keep seeking and see what God can do.  It's never a one-and-done but it's a daily pursuit with Christ.  Just like any addiction, porn is one day at a time.  Pursuit with Jesus is one day at a time as well.  Getting to know Him more and letting Him change you from the inside out.  

 Part 2 continues tomorrow...

Why Does God Speak To Other People But Not To Me?

I have heard other Christians say this to me.  And the reality is that it's simply not true.  God actually does want to speak and IS speaking to you.  As a matter of fact He has so many things to say and reveal about His thoughts towards you that it's as many as the grains of sand on beach of your last Spring Break trip to Daytona Beach (Psalm 139:17-18).  You just don't realize it yet.  

I have made it a personal mission to try to hear God.   I think it’s actually pretty exciting to hear God speak.   Anytime someone you love and who loves you more than you can ever imagine wants to speak to you...you want to hear what they have to say.  Here's why I know this:

+ God has a voice.  We see the 3rd verse of the Bible when God spoke light into darkness (Genesis 1:3).  

+ You can hear his voice if you are a follower of Jesus.  In the new Testament we read some powerful words, “I am the good shepherd and I know My own and My own know Me.  My sheep hear My voice and I know them and they follow Me” (John 10:14, 27).  

+ You hear by the Holy Spirit.    Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to guide us into truth, to speak these truths loud and clear (John 14:26; 16:13-15).  

+ Prophecy is Jesus, about Jesus and restoring people back to Jesus (Revelation 19:10)

Journal note:   I have a very practical guide to hearing God’s voice on a past journal entry here.

I want to be a Christian who is with Jesus so that I can hear Him and be with Him.  Out of that intimacy comes a revelation of who He is, who I am and what I am made to do.   If we can cultivate that kind of closeness with God, it allows us to see and hear things which simply overflows out of us.  The love of God for me leads me to have a prophetic lifestyle.  That’s why Scripture says, “Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy.”  1 Corinthians 14:1

That’s what prophetic words and ministry can do for you.  That’s what hearing God’s voice can do for you.  It helps you become who you were always meant to be.  God speaking to you connects you to your designed purpose and what you were created to be and do.  Discovering and calling out the future selfthat God has destined for them that they can’t see yet but you can!  It’s catching a glimpse of the YOU that is the YOU that you were always meant to be. 

Jesus choose the disciples He chose their occupations, the personalities, their shortcomings, their dysfunctions, their lack of education… because He saw who they could be and would be.  He not only saw them but called it out of them.  This was incredibly counter-cultural in Jesus day.  

Living out the life of Jesus as a Christian should demand from all of us a prophetic eye and ear to see the “what could be” with those we are discipling.  When we are loved like that by Jesus and by those who follow Jesus, it transcends our limitations and we start to live like we always were intended to live.  That’s why having an ear to hear God is important to you, your family and your leadership. 

5 Ways To Translate God’s Voice:

 

God speaks to everyone. 

We live in a noisy culture.  We have a God who speaks regularly.  This is the tension as a creation of God.  He is either speaking “come to me” to those that don’t know God and to those that do know God, He is revealing who He is and who they are supposed to be (Romans 10:17 & Romans 5:8).  So be still and know (Psalm 46:10) or the Hebrew word for “know” is be intimately acquainted with.  So stop just praying on your car ride to work and spend a few minutes before everyone is up and listen. 

My friend Eric Samuel Timm says this in his book, The Static Jedi, ““Battling the noise is creating a space for God and acknowledging the space He occupies, which is all of it. Invite God into all twenty-four hours of your day.”  So invite Him and see what He’ll say…

God’s voice is characterized by love.

God sounds like love (Galations 5:6).  There is no condemnation in Christ but grace and mercy.  These are strong indicators you are hearing God’s voice if these expressions are part of what you are hearing.  Grace is acceptance by God you cannot earn accept by Jesus and mercy is forgiveness you don’t deserve but have received in Christ.  

God’s purpose for speaking to you and to others is to primarily reveal the Father’s love.

Jesus longed for the disciples to experience the love of the Father.  That same love of the Father that was ESSENTIAL for Jesus to live by is the same love that Jesus wants for us to experience and that is available for us ( John 17:24-25).

God reveals His thoughts to you so you have His thoughts.   

You don’t become conformed but you become transformed when your mind is renewed by God’s thoughts (Romans 12:2)  You hear God by the Holy Spirit.  No one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  But we receive the Spirit of God to not receive the spirit of the world but God Himself to allow us to see and know His will, purpose and plans for us and others (1 Corinthians 2:9)

God’s voice makes you complete. 

The heart of the disciples who experienced the presence and life-giving words of Jesus was to bring that very experience to others.  Experiencing what you see and hear when you are with the Father and makes you complete in the Kingdom (1 John 1:1-4)

As Christians Can We Condemn An Entertainer And Love Christ At the Same Time?

I enjoy pop-culture.  I make my playlists (modern-talk for “mix-tapes”) for the special people and moments in my life.  I binge Netflix when necessary.  I Hulu a few of my fav’s when I can.  “Get a Redbox” is a phrase you will hear if you are in my house and hanging with my family.  I enjoy a good movie premiere.

And Hollywood gets a bad rap.  And rightly so.  They produce a lot of garbage.  But can I expect a creative collection of people who love to make stories come to life on the big screen to make moral films with a wholesome life message who have not experienced the renewing power of Jesus?   I can’t.

So why do we bash people who don’t know Christ or criticize those who are just getting to know Christ when they don’t “act” like Christian? 

I have been in church settings when the speaker or conference is complaining about the artist or the actor.  Saying things like, “[insert famous person here] is responsible for the immorality of this generation and God will judge their ways.”  A loaded statement.  Whether it’s true or not is up to God and the Bible.  But the bigger question here is this:  What if that particular Hollywood star heard this?   Is that the first thing they need to hear from the church?  Is that the first thing you would say to Kim Kardashian, Hillary Clinton, Justin Bieber, Tom Cruise or Donald Trump?  I sure hope not. 

In Christ there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1).  To condemn if you break the word down is into two words:  “con” and “demn.”  “Con” means to “be in association with” and “demn” is where we get the root for the word “damn” from the word“damnation.”  Essentially when we condemn someone we are saying we are putting them into association with those destined to share their future with the devil.  When the woman was caught having sex with another man (a familiar theme in music and movies that I have observed lately) Jesus first words were I don’t condemn you and don’t do it again.  The religious people of her day wanted to destroy her, her reputation and her future.  Jesus wants to direct her into a good future and purpose in God’s love by showing her first love then truth. 

The Bible is clear that if we don’t have love we are nothing (1 Corinthians 13).  How can I speak to influencers in Hollywood (musicians, actors, artists, government officials, athletes, etc.) and to influencers with those same titles in my local community(the coffee shop musicians, local theater actors, community artists, town government officials, high school or college athletes, etc.) if there is no love, compassion, or kindness coming from me?  If someone said that about you, would you want to listen to them, be open to them to hear about God, etc.?  Obviously not.   If you speak against a person of influence like that the reality is you have just put up a wall against them.   YOU just put up a wall.  Jesus spoke the truth in love and had the perfect balance of grace and truth and we should as well. 

The problem is we choose to speak first and love second.    We do this because we think if we don’t say something we are endorsing it.  That’s why we inappropriately back up what we do with the out-of-date phrase “hate the sin but love the sinner.”  I don’t need to say that phrase to qualify or disqualify if I go to my gay friends wedding, to be with my friend who’s living with his girlfriend or anyone else who happens to be struggling with a sinful issue, to have dinner with a Target executive, etc.  What I need to do is simply love the person I’m with, with the extravagant love of Jesus while being soundly grounded in Scripture so I can speak wisdom and encourage as often as I can with God’s holiness as a guide and God’s love as my motive. 

So what does Scripture say about trying to live God's way with people?  See below: 

“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to direct our energies wisely.  Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way… Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse.”  Galatians 5:22-26

If you want to check yourself on how you’re doing in engaging with culture, then check the fruit of your life.  How are these fruits of the Spirit coming out of our lives:  love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  When I’m engaging, talking, criticizing, changing, loving, inspiring and influencing others…is this my demeanor and attitude?  If not, I better check myself.  These fruits should be how we carry ourselves as Christians.  These attributes should be how we govern our lives and the lives of others and those that we don’t know or don’t agree with. 

How Christians Should Approach the Entertainment Industry: 

Realize every entertainer and personality you disapprove of is loved by God.

That means when we attack we are criticizing God’s heart and His creative work.    The reality is the most disliked or perverted person is someone that God loves because God’s love isn’t conditional but unconditional.  I’m not saying we can’t have a conviction towards someone’s words or actions.  I’m not saying you can’t disapprove of them.  I'm simply saying how my attitude and heart is towards someone... is an attitude and heart towards someone God loves dearly. 

Develop a prophetic eye to see who they could be. 

God desires that actor, musician or reality star to be who they are destined to be in Christ.  If they are spiritually “off track” then their gifts and talents can be warped to not serve God’s purpose but a different one.  Maybe the dirty stand-up comic is really supposed to be a youth pastor but was turned away from church by a bad experience.  Maybe the pop artist is really supposed to be a worship leader but was told her music was sounding too much like the devil and a religious person made sure they knew it.  The movie director is really a master storyteller who should be captivating audiences with sharing Biblical stories than writing stories of his own showing the world how bad God is rather instead of telling the world how good God is.  I realize not every entertainer is a fallen spiritual hero but it is true to say every person has gifts and talents that were intended to be used by God for His purposes.  A prophetic eye sees these entertainers and their gifts the way God sees them and the way they were intended. 

Hope is a powerful word in our culture with people who don’t know God. 

Hope is a word that resonates with many people.  It might even be one of the most powerful evangelistic words you can bring in our world today.  Kris Valotton says, “He who gives the most hope will have the greatest influence.”  I agree!  Usually broken people are trying to find an answer or relief from their addiction, pain and suffering.  Hope says that there is a feeling that the future that God has for them that is secure, full of love, healthy and healed can be had or that will turn out for the best because of Jesus.  God says, “All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.  Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.”  1 Corinthians 13:14-15

 

Love gives you an authority in your life to change culture.

Maybe that’s why the greatest of these is love.  If God is love (1 John 4:8) and God is the highest authority then when we love with God's love, we are demonstrating the authoritative power of God with someone.  Shawn Boltz says, "you will never have authority over what you do not love."    So when I have a loving heart and live out the love of God with others, I am demonstrating an authority and power that is stronger than what any lyric, script, person or idea. 

Any I am forgetting or you would add?

6 Ways To Love Like Jesus In A Tolerant Culture:

How Jesus deals with differing opinions is how we should deal with opinions that are different from us.  A gracious person is Jesus.  The New Young Christian believes that graciousness is stronger and a better choice than tolerance.  

Graciousness is defined as having a forgiving attitude and compassionate posture as we walk in wisdom with those whose opinions, attitudes and beliefs are different than yours.  Basically, the ethic of graciousness is found in treating others like Jesus treated others.   Jesus dealt with tolerance in His day as He was dealing with Romans and the religious crowds and opinions.  

6 Ways To Love Like Jesus In A Tolerant Culture:   

1.  Channel your passions.

Jesus was facing popular opposition in his day.  When confronted with stubborn, unredeemed and resistant people, Jesus actually is referenced as being angry at their stance on a particular religious issue.  Mark says Jesus “…looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts.”  Might be the only time we see Jesus angry and performing a miracle at the same time.  So how does Jesus channel is anger and sadness at their ignorance? He chooses to be angry (without sinning of course) and do God’s will at the same time because it can be done and is what a gracious person does.

2.  Pay it forward positively.

God insists, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil…do not take revenge…do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17).  Jesus mission was to seek and save the lost.  He had a fierce determination to not allow the opposition of others to sidetrack him from his purpose or to deflect him from his mission.  And at the end of the day Jesus is to overcome evil with good.  Jesus doesn't overcome evil with protest.  He doesn't overcome evil with twitter rants.  Jesus doesn't seem to overcome evil with boycotting.  Jesus isn't overcoming evil by yelling or arguing with others.  He will get attention by flipping a table and pulling out a whip on occasion, yes.  But Jesus ultimate goal is to seek transformation not attention. 

Peter tried to repay evil for evil by picking a battle and even going as far as to hurt those against them physically by cutting off a Roman guards ear (Luke 22:51).   Trying to payback an eye for an eye or an ear for an ear is not the heart of Jesus.  As a matter of fact he spoke to Peter saying, "Am I leading a rebellion?"  And he healed the soldiers ear.  Jesus response was healing not hurting...maybe that should be our response as well.  Here's one...do we boycott Target for transgender bathrooms or do we offer to clean the bathrooms of Target to show the world that serving might be more valuable than protesting?  

3.  Genuinely love those in opposition to you.

The best thing you can do is to love those who don’t agree with you.  Not just pray for them but love them (Luke 6:27).  Loving your enemies means that you not only pray for them but bless those that persecute you.  Showing kindness to those practically who disagree with you.  Jesus didn’t just write off the Romans for their tyranny, he engaged them by being willing to go to the house of a Centurian and heal his servant’s son (Luke 7:1-10).   While everyone is boycotting Roman rules and regulations, Jesus is willing to go into his house to bring a miracle not a reprimand or a demand. 

4. Know who your "real" enemy is.

You are not against a person.  You are against an ideology or in spiritual terms: a stronghold…pattern of belief.  The New Young Christian must know that his opponents are not his real enemies. He must regularly remind himself of the real war going on behind the scenes, as described in Ephesians 6:10–20. The real war is in the spiritual world, and must be fought with spiritual weapons. His real enemies are spiritual: “principalities…powers…the rulers of the darkness of this world.” His perceived “human enemies” are simply confused, misunderstood and even being held captive by the real enemy of our souls.

5.  Pursue change of heart not opinion.

He takes the initiative when things get heavy and when others pushback. He stands up to his opponents with grace and truth.  But He doesn’t fight on their terms but His terms. Instead he turns the tables …strategically.  Jesus constantly confirms it’s not about being right with others but doing right to others.  Jesus is more concerned with the heart of someone than their political opinion of someone.  He takes the controversy to them.  Jesus appeals to their logic as well as their conscience.  That’s why Jesus poses the question, “Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’?” (Luke 5:23). This is because Jesus is seeking a change of heart and mind in his opponents, not just to win an argument. His desire is to bring them to a place of a surrender to experience forgiveness.  And that must be our motivation with those who disagree with us. They may see our good deeds and praise our Father in heaven. (Matthew 5:16).

6.   Always let the Holy Spirit Lead You.

What does it look like for you to love a transgender, an addicted teenager, a liberal, a republican, the girl who is living with her boyfriend, your gay neighbors, your porn-addicted friend, the person who believes that all roads lead to heaven and that you are narrow-minded?  I’ll let Jesus tell you.  And while you’re reading these words of how to act towards a tolerant generation, fill in your name whenever you see the word “love”  and see if it matches up with you: 

 “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

 This chapter is not about marriage (sorry well-meaning people) but this chapter is about spiritual gifts. It’s about the enabling of the Holy Spirit to use you in your world to make a difference in the people around you and to make a difference you need love.  Because if you don’t have love as you engage with others…you are nothing.  Plain and simple.  The love in 1 Corinthians isn’t a passive love.  A love this is quiet, mousy, not passionate or aggressive.  It's quite the opposite actually.  It’s aggressive because it speaks out of moments you’ll have as you love people that will be filled with boasting, passionate, disagreement, wanting to give up, etc.  This doesn’t sound like a person that was a doormat but someone who is engaging with his culture and those around him and it was abrasive, passionate, engaging and heated.  That’s why God is giving us a list of words that include, patience, kindness, not holding grudges, etc.  Because this is in the context of the Holy Spirit, only He can give you this kind of love; this kind of mindset; this kind of heart for others.  For you to be a gift and a blessing to those around you, let the Holy Spirit give you the ability to respond according to this Scripture and watch the tolerance around you lose strength and diminish more and more every time they are with you because the Holy Spirit and the truth that He brings because of Jesus will always be stronger than the tolerance of culture.  Always.  The Spirit of God in you will always change the people and atmosphere around you…if you just let it.

Any other ways you have dealt with tolerance in your community or culture?

Can I Practice Christianity and Tolerance? Part 2

We are posing the question:  Can you be a Christian and be tolerant?

The New Young Christian believes in a time of tolerance, what if we practiced being gracious instead.  What does it mean to practice graciousness?

Graciousness means having a forgiving attitude and a compassionate posture while walking in wisdom with those who belief’s, attitudes and opinions differ from yours.

Let’s start with having a “forgiving attitude.”  I’m not saying you have to walk around saying “I forgive you” to everyone who has a different opinion than you.  What I am saying is when your attitude is, “I won’t hold it against you when you have a different belief than I” you are wanting to continue to go relationally farther with that person despite what their beliefs are.  I’ve seen with Christians that when we are in a situation with someone who has a different belief than us, we can get awkward.  How do I know this?  Because I have friends who are gay and I love them dearly.  When some Christians get around them and they find they are gay, they don’t know what to do.  It’s like they get nervous, look around and want to “change the subject to sports” or I mean, “fashion and HGTV” or I mean “hiking footwear.”  Dang, I’m awkward now. A forgiving attitude says, "even though we have different views we can still have conversations."  

Faith is personal.  Religion makes people passionate.  And that’s ok and normal.  So if someone says something or does something that goes against a personal conviction that you might have it is naturally going to evoke an emotion.  Your job as a follower of Christ is to move on past that emotion towards loving God and loving your neighbor as yourself which all the commandments hinge on anynow (Matthew 22:36-40) so that you can eventually share the truth of Jesus with that person.   For example, you have a friend of a friend that thinks it’s OK to sleep with a woman because “it’s just sex.”  When you hear that statement in a brief few seconds there are a few things internally that are happening.  You are making a judgment if that is a true statement…which of course as a Christian we would say that statement is absolutely not true. 

Emotionally, for a brief moment, that should displease you because, as a Christian having sex before marriage is wrong.  So having a “forgiving attitude” helps you understand that this person doesn’t know Scripture, truth or most likely have a relationship with Christ.  Or if they do have some sort of faith background, they are obviously confused.  A gracious person will choose to “not hold the comment against them, but will choose to forgive it and continue to be relationally engaged and connected to that person for the greater good found in Jesus.  And not only that, a gracious person looks for ways in this conversation to move them closer to the heart and mind of Christ when it comes to sexual relationships with women with sincerity and love. 

A compassionate posture is the second part of being gracious.   In a tolerant community, a gracious person is going to be different.  Tolerance seems to have the right idea until it eventually doesn’t agree with you but it seemed like a good idea at the time (kind of like that extra spicy chili-dog with the jalapeno’s, grilled onions with extra beans and queso you decided to eat after 8pm). Tolerance seems to bully itself to be the right thing or be the right person or prove a point.  Tolerance has a well-intentioned idea for us all to get along…until it goes against the idea presented.  Tolerance has a posture of antagonism because if you don’t agree, it finds a satisfaction with being “hateful” or “ignorant” if the others do not agree. 

A gracious person postures themselves by having a humble yet confident voice to share the truth of Scripture with love and respect.  Their motive is goodwill and kindness because it’s the kindness of Jesus in a follower of Christ that actually compels someone to reconsider their stance and opinion and move to a posture of repentance (Romans 2:4).  A posture of protest or “facebook-yelling” doesn’t change someone’s heart as much as a genuine conversation or authentic gesture.  A compassionate posture reflects a sympathy for the other’s misunderstood thoughts on life.  Not only do they hear and observe their misguided thinking but a gracious person has a strong desire to alleviate their suffering of living with misbelief.  As a loving follower of Jesus, we know the potent words of Jesus will always move someone towards freedom from faulty thinking more than a good-intentioned opinion from the tolerant crowd, it’s just the tolerant person doesn’t know it yet.

A gracious person walks in wisdom with a tolerant person.  First, the Bible makes it really plain to us as Christians, “For in Him all things were created:  things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him” (Colossians 1:16).   Jesus is our creator and because of Him we have our origin, purpose and our design. Second, Jesus is our wisdom, “God has united you with Christ Jesus.  For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself.  Christ made us right with God; He made us pure and holy and freed us from sin” (1 Corinthians 1:30).  These last two Scriptures shows us thatJesus knows how we are made and he shows us how we should function.   Graciousness has the eyes to see beyond the crowds opinion and the wisdom to move others forward into their designed future that God has prepared for them (Proverbs 3:5-6).  My friend Samuel Deuth (samueldeuth.com) says it this way about tolerance, “Tolerance leaves people where they are, but love pulls people up to their designed God-purpose.”  

Here’s my point:  How Jesus deals with differing opinions is how we should deal with opinions that are different from us.  A gracious person is Jesus.  The ethic of graciousness is found in treating others like Jesus treated others without compromising the truth of Scripture.   So how did Jesus deal with tolerance?  

7 Ways Jesus Would Deal With Tolerance:

1.  Channel your passions

Jesus was facing popular opposition in his day.  When confronted with stubborn, unredeemed and resistant people, Jesus actually is referenced as being angry at their stance on a particular religious issue.  Mark says Jesus “…looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts.”  Might be the only time we see Jesus angry and performing a miracle at the same time.  So how does Jesus channel is anger and sadness at their ignorance? He chooses to be angry (without sinning of course) and do God’s will at the same time because it can be done and is what a gracious person does.

2.  Pay it forward positively

God insists, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil…do not take revenge…do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17).  Jesus mission was to seek and save the lost.  He had a fierce determination to not allow the opposition of others to sidetrack him from his purpose or to deflect him from his mission.  And at the end of the day Jesus is to overcome evil with good.  Jesus doesn't overcome evil with protest.  He doesn't overcome evil with twitter rants.  Jesus doesn't seem to overcome evil with boycotting.  Jesus isn't overcoming evil by yelling or arguing with others.  He will get attention by flipping a table and pulling out a whip on occasion, yes.  But Jesus ultimate goal is to seek transformation not attention. 

Peter tried to repay evil for evil by picking a battle and even going as far as to hurt those against them physically by cutting off a Roman guards ear (Luke 22:51).   Trying to payback an eye for an eye or an ear for an ear is not the heart of Jesus.  As a matter of fact he spoke to Peter saying, "Am I leading a rebellion?"  And he healed the soldiers ear.  Jesus response was healing not hurting...maybe that should be our response as well.  Here's one...do we boycott Target for transgender bathrooms or do we offer to clean the bathrooms of Target to show the world that serving might be more valuable than protesting?  

The rest will be in the next post…

Can I Practice Tolerance and Christianity?

I am the kind of person that wants everybody to get along.   I have the kind of faith that doesn’t want to exclude people.   It bothers me when someone hurts another person.  It frustrates me when someone doesn’t like a church, a group or another person, etc.  

So the word tolerance is a word I like…until I start reading the Scriptures.  

Tolerance and the Bible are not too words that go together very well in today’s culture.  So the question is how can I love the believe in Jesus and love the Bible when those around me that aren’t Christians are speaking a message of tolerance?  I don’t want to seem like I am against someone…especially if that someone is somebody I care about.  I want those around me to truly love and experience Jesus.  There’s no question about it.  But when I have to tell that person that I love or that I am trying to express the love of Jesus to that they are “wrong” about a particular choice, life-partner or belief…it makes me feel uncomfortable.  It makes me feel like they are going to reject me and even worse, reject Jesus.    This is the tension for The New Young Christian.  

Can tolerance and faith coexist?  Let’s find out.  First we have to ask ourselves, “what is tolerance?”  The original definition of tolerance means “to acknowledge that others have differing beliefs and accept that it is their right to do so.” 

This definition of tolerance I don’t mind because it says, “you do you” and no hard feelings.  However, the original definition from then compared to today’s definition is different.  Today’s definition means by today’s cultural standard means,  “to accept that beliefs other than yours are just as true as your own beliefs.” 

Now I’m starting to get uncomfortable because the Bible says to me to believe something different.  Not a tolerant view but an exclusive view. 

Now I’m even more uncomfortable.

The bible is specific that people will have different beliefs than you and that others will not take it lightly:

Romans 1:18-25 says that God gives us all evidence that He is true.

John 14:6 says that Jesus is the only way amongst all the other spiritual paths

Luke 6:22 says that we are blessed when others reject us

John 15:18 says that when the world hates you, they hated Christ first.

These Scriptures are clear about some things:  That people are not always going to agree with you and will even get hostile because faith in God is exclusive through Jesus.  Basically, God has told us clearly in Scripture…people won’t be tolerant.  So that means that  people willreject you because they expect tolerance from you and from your Christian beliefs and you won’t be able to give it. 

Tolerance is something that is celebrated and practiced widely by many.   So how do we respond as The New Young Christian to this?

I think it’s this: 

In a time of tolerance, what if we practiced being gracious instead:  having a forgiving attitude and a compassionate posture while walking in wisdom with those who belief’s, attitudes and opinions differ from yours.

 

Let's strive to be gracious instead...not tolerant.  The key phrases being:  forgiving and  compassionate.  Basically it's kindness.  These words are universal words that a culture that is hostile towards Christianity can get behind.  Christians usually lead from a place of defensiveness and what you’re against when it comes to issues that demand a tolerance label from culture.  But what if we changed our positioning to proclaim what we are for and show it through actions of forgiveness, compassion and kindness.  It’s hard to resist a kind person.  It’s hard to be hostile towards a compassionate person.  It’s difficult to deny someone’s forgiveness.  These actions not only disarm someone who doesn't understand my ideas on issues of faith but now Christianity becomes attractive to an unbeliever.  Not only that, but it opens up that person to possibly listen to you on what you have to say because of your graciousness.  

This posture of graciousness not only stops tolerance in it's tracks but I think it overpowers it.  Forgiveness, compassion and kindness are words that unify and not divide.  These words promote unity and peace than proving you're right on an issue.  I'd like to think of graciousness as being irresistible to anyone because of it's very nature of being kind about a cultural position.   But it's not just showing kindness it's also being wise.  It's knowledge of what is true and right with insight and sound judgement.  

 

Of course the Bible says it best:

“Live wisely among those who are not believers and make the most of every opportunity.  Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.”  Colossians 4:5-6 NLT

How is graciousness lived out practically?

Find out in part 2….

The Difference Between Dating a Boy or a Man

When it comes to relationships, we don't want to awaken love till the right time.  And the right time is usually marked by maturity.  We gave a post similar to this to the ladies.  Now I am sending one out to the guys.  Here we go: 

How To Know If You Are Dating a Boy or a Man:

1.  A boy makes you feel like you're not good enough but a man makes you feel like you're more than enough.  Hey girls, if you have to constantly prove to your guy that you are more attractive and better looking than the other girls around you then he doesn't deserve you.  From what i've heard, it's hard enough to navigate the pressures with other girls so she don't need some false pressure from a guy, let alone from the guy that is dating her.  If a guy truly loves his girl, she will be enough and what she lacks, he compliments and becomes her strength.  

2.  A boy is possessive but a man is protective.  If the relationship is healthy, she will trust you.  If she doesn't, then you'll naturally be afraid of losing her.  So guys, what we do is we try to control the moment because of our own insecurity, pride, etc.  If you make her feel cherished and loved...what girl wouldn't want to be in the arms of a dude like that?  So lose the grip, son.  

3.  A boy is considers whether he could do better but a man is confident he has the best.  Hey girls, a guy who is always looking for the next best thing that comes his way is not the guy you want to be with.  He should only have eyes for his lady.  Guys, if you are looking at other women when you are in the presence of the lady you committed to, then you aren't ready for a relationship.  A guy can change his mind, that's fine.  But a guy that has committed himself to a relationship but is only in it for the benefits for himself is a guy that is not ready to be dating anyone.  A man makes his commitment and sticks with it.  If he starts to question where his relationship is going, then he will have the conversation when necessary. 

4.  A boy is interested in "looks" but a man is interested in life.  How you mesh with your girl is what matters.  Looks fade.  Feelings diminish at times.  But how you do life together is what sustains you for the long haul.  Hey girls, how you line up with faith, passions, interests, raising kids, how you vacation, what movies you like, how you spend your Saturday Nights, what you laugh at, what you cry at, what you fight about...will show you if he's into your looks or into building a life with you.

5,  A boy makes her accomplishments feel threatening but a man makes her accomplishments worthy of protecting.  I love celebrating my wife's accomplishments.  Heidi has had a great career in the music industry, orphan care, church life, the financial industry and ministry.  Her success at all these things doesn't threaten me but makes me proud of what a woman she is.  Guys, champion your lady to be successful because she's more capable than you think! 

6.  A boy plays in the moment but a man prepares for the future.  A lot of us guys can't think past the next 2 minutes when they're with a girl.  All we see is her beauty.  All we are trying to do is not talk like an idiot or act like a complete moron.  So every moment with our girl makes us feel crazy because we don't want to blow it.  And when we get to the romance part, we are going a 1000 mph.  So it is tough to pace, take it slow and enjoy the next few hours when we are with the girl of our dreams.  So guys, that's why you have to not live from feeling to feeling or moment to moment but think about the big picture.  Too many guys have lost a good thing from acting in a moment.  So when I say prepare, I am saying think about before-hand what your actions could do to her or to you or to those around you.  Think before you act, fellas.  

7.  A boy looks to gain popularity from your family and friends but a man gains promotion from your family and friends.  It's like this:  If people she respects most doesn't like him, then it's probably not a good fit.  Plain and simple, y'allz.

8. A boy guesses what's happening and jumps to conclusions in situations but a man gains wisdom adjusts his composure.  Guys get hotheaded.  We love a good fight.  We don't wanna be wrong and we can be very prideful.  So fella's, seek the wisdom.  The best for that is in the Bible so if you haven't read the Scriptures in a while, then there's your first problem, dummy.   Put yourself in the presence of those who are wiser than you and who have done relationships well.  They probably have a good piece of advice to give you.  

9.  A boy is concerned how she looks to his family and friends and man is concerned how she loves his family and friends.  A man wants his girl to be liked by his family and friends.  Because those closest to his family and friends have a pretty good radar on if she's the one.  So girls, take special heed to the other special lady in his life...his mother.  How you interact and love those who are special in his life is a good way for you to make an impression.

10.  A boy spends more time with his friends because they're important to him and man spends more time with her friends because they're important to her.  The girlfriends of your lady are just as important as your bro's are, fellas.  So when you double date with her bestie, don't make it a big deal...just make it work.  She'll love you for it.  

3 Challenges For Raising Up Young Leaders

The New Young Christian believes in celebrating young leadership who are doing it right and celebrating other leaders who are championing the next generation.  This post is proud to honor Tyler Tatum (@tylertatum) who serves as the Director of Fuse at Newspring Church.  Tyler is an incredible leader who does a great job of teaching, challenging and encouraging other young leaders around them.  His advice for raising up young leaders is gold.  

His re-post is below:

There is nothing more exciting than seeing a young leader begin to realize the potential that God has placed in them, and nothing more heartbreaking than seeing them discouraged or shipwrecked. Over the years, I have learned some guiding principles when it comes to raising up these leaders. Here are just a few of the key principles I’ve learned when it comes to helping young people step into leadership and to help them avoid shipwreck in their leadership journey.

1. Identify God-given gifting and potential

Often when it comes to young people, there is nothing more powerful than the words that we share with them. We have the ability to inspire, challenge, build up, and tear down. Years ago, I realized that my words began to carry a lot of weight when it came to the young leaders that were around me. I could use my words to try to get people around me to work on a project, or rally to a certain cause. I even had influence over the decisions they made in regards to where they would serve or lead in the church.

I quickly learned that the only way to truly set someone on the path of success (which every leader should be trying to do) was to use my words not to try to lead them to what I thought they should do or to serve me, but to try to encourage them to follow what Jesus is calling them to do. I believe that as leaders, God often will give us insight into how he has gifted the young people around us and that is why we have to make sure that we are first and foremost listening to Him. I have found that when I am spending time with Jesus on a regular basis, I am more likely to see people like He sees people, and therefore I am able to see God-given potential to speak into them. Trying to use our words to persuade young people to do what we want them to do or what makes the most sense in the worldly way of looking at things is a recipe for disaster in their leadership journey.

It is a powerful thing when we can see the gifts and purpose God has placed inside of a young person and as we begin to speak that into them. This is why our relationship with Jesus is foundational in our ability to raise up those around us. We cannot lead someone to a place that we are not going ourselves. We cannot truly love and place young people in front of ourselves if we are not hearing from Jesus on a regular basis.

2. Keep Proper Perspective

Let’s be honest, we commonly overvalue what God wants to do in the short-term and undervalue what God wants to do in the long-term. This is especially true when it comes to raising up young leaders. I often get so focused on how I want to see people grow in the short-term that I forget that they have a whole lifetime ahead of them for God to grow them as leaders. This life thing is a marathon, not a sprint.

The problem here is that I get so focused on the short-term that any mistake that someone I’m pouring into makes feels like it has doomed their ability to lead. The reality is that young leaders, especially if they are teenagers, are going to make mistakes. In fact all leaders will make mistakes. When it comes to young leaders, it is not only probable that they will make mistakes, it is necessary for them to make mistakes in order to learn how to grow past them and failure and to become the man or woman that God has called them to be. So the principle here is that I am not trying to see a young man or woman do a lot of great work or have a lot of accomplishments in the short-term (though that’s always nice), but rather I’m interested in pouring into people in such a way that they are still loving Jesus, and loving and leading others well in 20, 30 and 40 years from now.

This principle helps me not to overreact when someone I am trying to raise up as a leader makes a mistake. When we keep a proper perspective we are able to lead by showing someone grace rather than trying to guilt them into doing what we want them to do. Although it may seem scary, if the Bible is true then grace is a much greater motivator for the young people we are raising up than trying to make them feel guilty when they don’t live up to our expectations. Aren’t you thankful that that is not how Jesus leads us?

3. Challenge With Real Responsibility and Clear Expectation

Let me assure you of this: the young leaders you want around you want to be challenged. Challenge is how we grow and anyone who is going to do anything significant wants to be challenged. From my experience, a leader who struggles with challenge also struggles with surrounding himself or herself with the type of leaders that can change the world. They typically settle for the boring, plain, and mediocre that will often make them feel warm and special and rarely actually go out and accomplish anything.

If you are raising up an actual leader they want to be challenged. Not just challenged by your words, but also challenged by the responsibility that you are willing to give them. At some point we have to stop saying we believe in someone, and actual believe in them by letting them take ownership of something we are responsible for. One of the best tools we have for growing young leaders is our willingness to let them have some true responsibility. Also let me be clear, true responsibility does not tell them they are responsible for something, and then we go behind them to micro-manage them to make sure it doesn’t fail. It means that if they don’t follow through, it fails and we have to take the blame (after all great leaders give the credit and take the blame). Giving responsibility requires 2 things:

1. Clear Expectations - If we want to set someone up to win then we have to clearly lay out for them what the win looks like. If we have the right leaders around us, we will be able to lay out what it looks like to win, and in my experience, they will figure out a better way to get there than I could have. When we don’t set clear expectations and boundaries, however, we are setting up young leaders around us for failure. We are actually giving them a test that they aren’t aware they are taking, and I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this as a leader yourself but it’s a pretty terrible place to be.

2. Good Feedback - If you aren’t willing to give feedback on how a young leader is handling responsibility then do not waste your time delegating the responsibility. People want to know how they are doing at what it is you’ve given them to do. This includes positive and negative feedback. When we see someone knocking the ball out of the park we have to make sure that we are letting them know that we see them and we are proud of the job they are doing. This helps them know they are noticed, cared for, and it stores up good equity to set you up for providing negative feedback too.

One of the most unloving things we can do for someone we are trying to raise up is to see them under-perform and never speak to it. These conversations are not fun, but they are necessary if we are going to see our young leaders attain all that we know they are capable of. Think back to the conversations where a leader in your life has helped you grow and how thankful you are for that honest truth. These conversations are really the meat of leading someone well and the only way to unleash what we see God has put inside of them, because unless their name is Jesus they are not going to do it perfectly.

At the end of the day, the way that we raise up leaders is going to determine the long term health and stability of our organization. If we are content to have a lot of young folks that admire us, but we never push them to grow to be better leaders than we are, then our church or organization will have an expiration date. At least it will have an expiration date on being great. However, if we are willing to put in the time and effort to raise up the young leaders that we know God has made to be great, walk through the process with them over time, and give them real opportunities to learn, then the best truly is yet to come.

If you've enjoyed reading this post, I hope you'll love Perry Noble's new leadership book The Most Excellent Way to Lead.  You can visit mostexcellentwaytolead.com to get your copy today!

Differences Between Dating a Girl & A Woman

We have been talking about finding the girl of your dreams.  That means being a guy that girls want to date.  The New Young Christian takes this seriously.  Who you partner yourself with for life can make or break you and your future.  Unfortunately good guys have become broken because of their choices to be in a relationship without thinking about it by simply "going for it because she’s hot."  Not a good move, Casanova. 

One of the attributes that you can look for in finding the girl of your dreams is maturity.  A Good Guy is interested in dating a woman…not a girl.  I know there is a whole list for guys as well because girls want to date a man and not a boy, essentially.  However, I want this series of posts to help guys not only rise up and be the men God is calling them to be but also for girls to be the women God is calling them to be as well.  I have been talking hard to guys in the last few posts so here is my brief post to the ladies to encourage them and challenge them as well.  These are my thoughts with some females to help me screen them.  So here goes:

A VERY STRAIGHTFORWARD COMPARISON BETWEEN DATING A GIRL AND A WOMAN:

A girl criticizes others but a woman compliments others.

OK girls, if you want to turn the “good guys” away, just be a “catty” girl.  Be that girl who talks about other girls behind their backs, comparing yourself constantly to others and for the sake of all things in the universe, don’t ask me this dreaded question:  “Do you think she’s pretty?”  Because a guy doesn’t know how to answer that one outloud without causing the apocalypse.   A guys wants to find a woman who complements others; who loves God’s creation; who loves her friends and accepts others as they are; who affirms her church, her community and her leadership. A guy doesn’t want to date a girl who criticizes because it’s just plain draining.  

A girl waits for things to happen but a woman makes things happen.

A woman knows who she is, knows what she wants and goes for it...professionally, relationally and spiritually.  She isn’t afraid to ask the questions, ask for help and collaborate with others.  She has friends "beyond her best friends" and doesn’t have a trail of burned bridges behind her.  She’s assertive, smart and plans effectively.  A girl can lack ambition and patience.  She thinks short-term and thinks often only about herself.  Check out Proverbs 31 for some ideal lady characteristics, guys. 

A girl flirts with many but a woman is faithful.

A woman is confident, strong and knows who she is.  She knows how she’s acting in the moment and realizes that she represents her guy when she’s with her girlfriends and when she’s with others.  She is aware of what she's wearing, what she says and how she's acting around others.  She's clearly communicating verbally and nonverbally with those around her.  A girl however, is draining.  Her guys is constantly trying to "figure her out" because she's playing games with him.  She says things indirectly that are ambiguous and unclear.  Ladies, guys are already confused as it is...why make it more difficult?  She plays continued games that may work for now but he will eventually grow tired of the games.  So ladies, be a woman who doesn't need to flirt but desires to be faithful in all situations and watch your man only have eyes for you.

A girl is entitled but a woman is enchanting.

Guys, women are magical.  They lure us to them without even trying.  It’s the simple things that seem to make her sweet, beautiful and alluring.  An enchanting woman loves the small gestures, the sincere romance and the authentic conversation (along with some gifts…come on, guys, we don’t go cheap on me).  A girl who is entitled talks about what she wants and if she can’t get it, she starts plotting what she wants through her and his friends.  Guys, we have a lot more fun by dating a woman whose priority is not material things and false expectations but is overwhelmed by the time and thought put into a simple gift than an extravagant one.  But guys, that does mean for you to know what her likes and tastes are.  Because when you give her what she wants because you know her well, that puts her over the moon for you.  At the end of the day, it's not about the price or the stuff but it's about do you know her enough to know what she likes.  

A girl tries way too hard but a woman is hard to get.

Heidi was a woman from the beginning.  She had standards.  She knew what she wanted.  She loved God and wanted a man who loved God.  I found myself doing what I could to win her over.  I met her in church.  Not at the club, at an after-party, etc.  Hello singles.  Church is a great place to meet people (Oh, and find some really awkward ones, too...did I just say that out loud?)  We went water-skiing with friends and I got to know her.  Eventually I took her out and I romanced her.  We grew to love each other.  We got married and have been married 19 years.  You know what guys...I still romance her.  We celebrate birthdays like royalty, we go out on Valentines Day like we did in the early days, we have anniversary’s at some really great places that have really great pools (especially pools that have people that bring food right to you...we are a big deal and we are fine with that), I give her “just because” flowers at work, etc.  I say that because what won her to me in dating is what keeps her with me in marriage.  She made me work for it.  And you know what…I liked it.  When a girl pursues a guy, maybe it’s me, but it feels a little different to me.  Nothing necessarily wrong with that but I want to be the man who has to win her over … and it brought out the man in me.  So girls, stop throwing yourself at him but let him chase you...if he's the man for you, he'll see you and run right after you.

A girl goes on the defensive but a woman grows in discernment. 

A woman knows her surroundings.  She is aware of the spiritual climate in the room and knows when the battle is not against others (“flesh and blood”) but when it’s a spiritual battle.  A girl assumes the worst and gets defensive towards her guy and others.  She gets offended easily and assumes the worst.  She becomes hurt easily and lives from a posture of defensiveness and constant mistrust.   Guys, you aren’t always going to get it right so find a woman that can help you discover what’s wrong with you and your situation because not everything can be solved by blowing things up, punching it in the face or driving really fast (although a 2016 Mercedes Benz C-Class Coup would be nice right about now and relief my current relationship stress...just sayin'). 

A girl wants you to change to her liking but a woman accepts your flaws because she likes you. 

A woman knows your weaknesses.  She doesn’t expose them but covers you and makes you a better man.  I’ve counseled couples and their seemed to be some expectation that the other was going to change for the other.  News flash: not gonna happen. A guy is much more willing to become a better man when he knows he’s loved unconditionally by his woman. I mean isn’t that the foundation of relationship with Jesus?   A girl who tries to do a personality makeover on you (grunge to preppy, simple to sophisticated, etc.) is not the girl for the long haul.  I’m not talking about just manners or style that many dudes lack:  not putting the seat down, chewing with your mouth open or talking and using language like you’re from a Quentin Tarantino, wearing a bass-fishing t-shirt on your first date, etc.  It’s called get some manners, bro, because to keep a girl around, you gotta get civilized and while you're at it, take a look in the mirror and make sure you look halfway decent.  I’m saying if you have to earn love in a relationship by acting a certain way, then you are dating the wrong person because a woman’s love is unchanging and it was will last through the tough times.

A girl is selfie-obsessed but a woman is obsessed with selflessness

Hey girls, “pouty lips” or “the duckface” is not always cute to guys.  Frankly, they can seem over the top.  Are the selfies in fun or do they point to a bigger issue?  Does she care about herself?  How she looks?  How many likes?  Or does she care about others?   Is she more concerned with numbers of followers or making a difference in others?  Her instagram feed will be pretty revealing if she’s a girl or a woman.  Take some advice from "The Biebs":

‘Cause if you like the way you look that much, oh baby, you should go and love yourself.

 Not only that but a girl is selfish with her money but a woman is generous.  A girl is needy but a woman meets a need.  She lives a live of generosity by giving freely.  Her life is characterized by being a person who says that others matter.   Because when she prioritizes others, the others around her will prioritize her so she is never in lack or in want. 

A girl gossips about others but a woman gains respect from others

Perhaps life is just too boring or maybe jealousy is to blame, but some girls love the drama (I get enough of that for one day watching a Scandal commercial).  This type of pandemonium is unheard of with a woman because she’s too busy going for her dreams to waste her time and/or helping others achieve their dreams and potential.  You don’t want to date a girl who gossips and causes division. Just like her, you’ll waste your time getting wrapped up in the cray-cray.   Not to mention, she’ll probably do the same thing to you with her family and friends. A woman has a respect with you and with others in her community.  You want to find the girl of your dreams, ask others around you what they think about her….because that will be the test of if she’s right for you. 

 

A GIRL takes control in the relationship but a woman lets him take the reigns

A girl is controlling.  She is one of those girls who commands him to open the door for her, tells her what he should order for her, etc.  Although I appreciate the take-charge idea...wrong execution.  This girl is controlling him and in the end she is the one yelling at her guy because he's not being the spiritual leader in the relationship.  Plus, most some guys don't realize they are even being controlled in this.  They are enamored by her looks that he doesn't see her manipulation with him resulting in a guy who has lost his fighting spirit.  A woman let's him lead and take charge spiritually.  A woman wants him to own his faith, own his spiritual life and own the relationship.  

Anything I'm missing from this list?

The Good Guy Dating Life Part 2

We place a lot of emphasis on the word “attractive” when it comes to dating relationships.  Of course we would.  In a culture that is very image conscious and appearance-driven, it’s easy to make that a priority when it comes to the person you want to date. 

As guys, we want to be attractive.  It’s not just a girl thing.  We want to be noticed. Some guys workout.  Some guys join a band or become a fan of a band.  Some guys buy a motorcycle or a car, make it pristine and take the muffler off so that it sounds like they are driving something from the NASA space program. Some guys express it through fashion and style.  Some guys surround themselves with “their boys” so that their popularity is what others notice.  Some guys express it with titles and the success of their career. 

Wanting to be desired and noticed is normal.  But here’s what we don’t realize guys:  Our desire to be attractive to women sabotages us.  We think we are being inviting and enticing but we are disenchanting girls, good girls, because we don’t know how to act. 

Girls want a Good Guy.   If you haven’t checked out my last post, The Good Guy Dating Life Part 1, check it out.  In that post we defined briefly what a good guys is: A good guy is a guy that is dependable, capable, has his stuff together and owns his faith.  So here’s my challenge to guys:

Stop trying to be attractive to women and

start being responsible with women. 

To be responsible means that you are honest, capable, trustworthy, engaged and constrained. These are words that aren't just words that would make your parents or your boss proud to use in a sentence, but these are words that are actually attractive to the opposite sex.  

How To Stop Being Irresponsible With Women:

QUIT "Just GoING To Church" With Your Girlfriend

Here’s a newsflash:  Just because you go to church with your girlfriend doesn’t mean you are the Godly man of her dreams.  I know many dudes where the only spiritual dialogue they have is when they say, “Good sermon, huh?” and then their girl never hears them talk about God until next Sunday.  Guys... not attractive.  She wants you to take responsibility in the relationship by engaging with her more than 2 minutes a week because your “good game” err-I mean, “good sermon” shoutouts aren't going to cut it.   Sorry men, the girl of your dreams are sayin, “Ain’t got time for that!”  She wants you to be praying with her that doesn’t mean every day; guys so don’t get freaked out.  I’m not talking about as part of your date you have “a time of intercession for the nations.”  (Unless you are into that sort of thing …then you do you, missionary dude.)  But simply take a moment when you are together to pray and make it quick, to the point and sincere.  Many guys feel the need to not be “too spiritual” and that is absurd.  Don’t you realize guys, what girls find sexy about you is that you actually do pray?  Girls find you attractive, when you “go for God in worship” and when you talk about what you read in your devotional time yesterday.  Ladies can I get a witness?  One of the most attractive parts of your life is your spiritual life to women.  So flex your prayer muscles.   Do crunches and memorize verses to get a freaking Scripture 6-pack (“God [crunch] so loved [crunch] that he gave [crunch] His only son [crunch]…” your new workout routine?  Yup. You’re welcome.).  Talk about what “God is speaking to you” so she knows you hear from God and knows you are relying on God’s plan for your life.  Be responsible with your spiritual life, son. 

Stop Letting Her Set The Sexual Boundaries In the Relationship because that starts with you

It couldn’t be more irresponsible for you to not have a plan when it comes to what happens sexually in a relationship.  Guys can get this in their heads that they know they have it in them to push the boundaries sexually.  So they choose to hold back unless the girl gives them slack in that area.  If the guy senses he can go farther, he typically does.  In the end, it’s the girls giving the guy permission.  But what the guy doesn’t understand is she wants you to set the boundary. She is wanting you to know how far is too far so she doesn’t have to play defense…she’s expecting you to.  If you are “man enough” to be in a relationship then that means being “man enough” to say no to things that could hurt the relationship.  As guys we don’t know our own strength sometimes.  I had a brother growing up and we loved each other.  But that meant we also played hard together.  We would “roughhouse” and there were times I didn’t know I was hurting him because as the older brother I was playing too rough and didn’t realize it because I wasn’t aware of what I was doing.  As guys, sometimes we don’t know when we are hurting something because we don’t’ know our own strength sometimes. So when I say, “don’t hurt the relationship,” that means be aware of your surroundings and protect the relationship.   Guys, be self-aware.  Know what’s going on around you so you aren’t just “in the moment” all the time.   So many guys just “go with what feels right” in a relationship.  Listen up:  You can’t be led by just your feelings.  You have to be smart.  Being smart in a relationship means you have to have your “head in the game.”  I mean it.  You have to know ahead of time, how this relationship is going to move, ebb and flow.  You call the shots.  You set the tone.  Then talk about it with her.  She’s not in charge of what you do sexually in the relationship…you are.  So protect her.  Care for her.   Show her you can be trusted.  If you don’t have a game plan, here are some Scriptures to get you started on being responsible: 

1 Corinthians 6:9-7:19 (command to be pure, seriousness of sexual sin and instructions regarding marriage)

1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 (do not wrong or defraud one another in relationships — by implying a relationship or commitment by your words or conduct that does not actually exist)

Song of Solomon 2:7 ("do not awaken love before the right time”)

Proverbs 6:20-7:27 (warning to avoid sexual sin and foolish relationships)

James 1:13-15 (temptation is to be taken very seriously)

Romans 13:8-14 (love others, work for their soul's good; don't look to please self)

Romans 14:1-15:7 (favor others, not self ... value what's good to their souls)

1 Timothy 5:1-2 (treat single women as family and with absolute purity)

Titus 2:1-8 (young men and women should focus on self-control/godliness)

John 14:15 (if you love Christ, you will obey His commands — read: above your own desires — and live biblically)

DON'T BE "THat GUY" WHO AVOIDS the Hard Conversations BUT BE "THE GUY" WHO Actually TalkS With Her

When it gets hard in sports we push through.  When it gets hard in class, we just do the work.  When it gets hard at our jobs, we just push through and get it done.  When it gets hard in our relationships…we bail.  Why is that?  As guys we don’t’ know how to communicate with girls.  It’s just that simple.  Guys can’t multi-task (especially if there’s a TV on in the room somewhere).  Guys love video games and we would much rather play video games than talk with you about our feelings.  It’s just being a dude. But that doesn’t mean that’s our excuse for being able to not talk about the real issues.  In a culture of man-caves, it’s time for the guy to come out of the man-cave…for good.  Be a bro, with your bro’s with your bro-tien shake and bro tank it all the way to John Cena’s house…that’s fine. But guys stop barricading yourself in your man cave and only coming out when you want to or when you need a woman.  Harsh but true.  The girl of your dreams needs you to communicate.  And it’s hard.  And you won’t like it sometimes.  But you need it.  She needs it.  And it will make you a better boyfriend, husband and father.  You have to learn to have the hard discussions.  And not just have them, but also start the conversation.  If the relationship is going south, then address it.   If you like her, then ask her out.  If you are stuck in an addiction, then get accountability and stick to it.  If you can’t do it anymore, then lose your pride and have a conversation with a mentor.  If you don’t like your dad, then get counsel from someone you trust and love who has a wake of healthy relationships.  Hard conversations are good for us in the end.  But you have to stop avoiding them.  You have to engage.  Build a lifestyle of talking it out now, because a guy who can “talk about things” is a guy that is attractive to a girl.  Not just attractive but extremely hot, FYI.  So be responsible and have the hard conversations…you won’t regret it. 

The "Good Guy" Dating Life

Girls are looking for "good guys."  What is a good guy?  A good guy is a guy that has his stuff together, he's responsible, dependable and owns his faith.  In my young adult communities I work in, there are incredible women who love Jesus but there seems to be a shortage of dudes who will “man-up” and be the spiritual leaders they have it in them to be.  I know shame, cultural issues, lack of role models and other factors play into that for us guys.  But guys, you have the potential to have an incredible girl out there and she is not only waiting for you but is and has been praying for you even though she's never met you.  I’ve been married 18 years and I couldn’t be more excited and in love with my girl.  It just gets better over time.  And you’re thinking, “I want that.  How do I get that?”

The dating scene can be scary.  The courtship scene even scarier and probably and even more awkward.  Finding the right person can be nerve-wracking but it's is possible and it doesn't have to be an episode of New Girl gone bad.  This post is speaking to guys (but girls feel free to read along and provide your input).  So guys, to attract a girl, it starts with your personality (bonus for humor), make her feel at ease and get comfortable with you, get her to believe you’re a trustworthy guy and then finally ask for a commitment from her.

Let’s break down these 3 phases:

First:  Get An Attractive Personality

She’s ultimately going to be attracted to a genuine guy who is relaxed and at ease with himself. Wearing a mask is a waste of time. Even if she’s initially attracted to a mask you wear, will she be attracted when she discovers the real you?  The real you will always show itself in time so be comfortable being you.  What are some words that you think define "you?"  Write them down.  What are some words that do not define you...write them down as well.  Then find the opposite of that word.  Put them both down next to each other and see how you resonate with it and help you build them into questions that help you decipher who you are.   Here are a few thoughts to get you going:  

Am I creative or linear?

Am I energetic or contemplative?

Am I dreamer or realist?

Am I a people-person or a recluse?

These extremes because then it compels you to lean in one direction or the other to help you decide who you might be.  Even though you’re young, be committed to find out who you are.  Oh, and permission to change over time.  You are not cemented into these attributes but finding a few words that help you define your personality.

News Flash:  you aren’t going to be perfect and neither is she. Each one of us can use some fine-tuning, but wouldn't it be amazing to meet someone who simply likes you for you?  When you choose to be you and are unafraid to be you, eventually find the right girl who will appreciate you for exactly who you are at this moment in time.  

Funny dudes seem to have a greater chance of winning over the jacked dude (put the protein shakes down, fellas!)  And here’s the good news:  you have a sense of humor.  What makes you laugh could make her laugh…that’s how you can decipher if she’s a fit.  Not everything has to match on the humor scale, but as you are being yourself on the date, use your own humor and see how she reacts.  Nicolas Gueguen conducted a study that showed girls are three times more likely to give their number to a guy who tells jokes over the guy who doesn’t. Some guys will use a “cocky and funny approach,” throwing out lines such as, “you look exactly like my future girlfriend” (very 2000 and late). When a guy combines humor with a perceived confidence, he’s catering to the very two characteristics girls find highly attractive. 

Second:  Be Comfortable To Be Around

The comfort phase develops trust.  It is all about getting to know her and gaining her trust…so become a good conversationalist.  Find out what she is about.  Be authentic and vulnerable with who you are and what you are passionate about.  Have your own set of questions you’ve designed to discover her passions and find common ground, but I like the simplicity of three questions (from John Maxwell actually…your dating coach apparently, whaaat?):

What do you dream about?

What do you sing about?

What do you cry about?

These questions will help you start to have conversation over time to discover her goals, her passions, and what makes her truly happy. Finding common ground will make her more comfortable with you.  The question, "What’s your favorite video game?" … is probably not a good question to lead with unless you are dating a gamer, just FYI). But in case you need more questions to get you going on your date coming up, here are a few to get you thinking on your first few dates:

What do you do, and how long have you been doing it?

Where are you originally from?

Where did you go to school?

What was/is your major?

What do you like to do when you’re not working?

Are you more of a TV person, or do you prefer movies?

What type of music are you into?

Have you traveled anywhere cool lately/do you have any trips coming up?

Have you read any good books recently?

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Do you have any siblings?

If you could be any person for a day, who would it be?

Where else would you consider living?

What’s on your bucket list?

Are you a morning person or a night person?

Do you ever cook?

Do you like your job? What do you want to do next?

What’s your social life like? Do you have a big group of friends?

Do you consider yourself career-driven?

What are you most passionate about?

Trust is built by showing her you are a genuinely easy to be around. If you're awkward, then she's awkward.  So be cool, be you and have fun.  Don't make it bigger than what it is.  You are two rational human beings out together enjoying each other's company.  So take the pressure off, man.  Psychologist Geoffrey Miller says, “attractive bodies may elicit short-term desire, but attractive moral traits can inspire long-term love.” While a true moral man reveals himself over time, she’s going to look for, even if subconsciously, characteristics and actions that show you’re a strong man within.

Also, trust can also be established with touch (and am hearing guys around the world saying, AMEN).  Did you know hugging for 20 seconds releases oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that promotes happiness, security, and trust?  Did I just give you permission to ask your girl for a hug? Maybe....

Third:  Commit, Bro

While jerks attract and develop comfort and trust for the purpose of taking a girl to bed, the "good guy" is not interested in getting her in the sack. How could any guy conscientiously portray himself as a moral and virtuous man to use his investment for selfish and shameless game? Committed men don’t have to live with strings of regret and shame, and this may be why they live longer, make more money, and have more intimacy.  Commitment doesn’t mean you're getting married but iit does mean you are going to be exclusive with just her.  Girls expect good guys to ask the questions, be clear and lead the way in setting the parameters on the relationship.  If she’s a fit, if you will like being around her and if you want to spend more time with her... then commit.

I'm not trying to push commitment.  Commitment to be in a relationship with someone is a big deal and you have to take it into consideration.  Some guys know that it's right but choose to "keep their options open in case something 'better' comes along."  Not healthy or smart.  But you know when it's right and when it just "clicks" ... so give it a shot.  Don't overspiritualize it or overemphasize it.  Simply make the choice to say, "I like you.  We seem to have a great time when we get together. I think there could be something more here so let's see what we could be...."  There is a lack of commitment in our relationship culture and that's true.  It's easy to sleep around, have friends with benefits, etc.  I'm simply asking for guys to stop making it difficult on themselves and on the girls they are with and start saying yes to being simply exclusive with their significant other and see what happens.  

At the end of the day, being the right person is more important than finding the right person.  So you be the you God has called you to be and it won't take long for the girl of your dreams to be standing right in front of you.

Anything here you would add?

 

Why I Stopped Evangelizing and Started Sharing Jesus Part 2

If you haven't read Part 1 of this post, give it a read here first!  Now on to part 2....

The new Young Christian is rethinking evangelism in a new way.  Here are a 9 ways  to inspire you to share Jesus more often:

1.  Have more conversations and less confrontations.

It’s a different era now than before.  The question of “If you were to die today, do you know where you would go?”  This was a stirring question in the 60’s, 70’s , etc because of the cold war and the nuclear threat was very real to those in this era.  However, today the engagement with others in your community (neighborhood, school, workplace, etc) about Christianity is more of an abrasive issue than in anytime in history.  The culture war is dying out and the idea of being in a “battle” is an imagery that is less appealing to both Christians and non-Christians.  If we posture ourselves to a dialogue than engage in a battle for truth, we will most likely be more effective.

2.  Being an inviting person is more important that being a convincing person. 

Being convincing is a good thing.  But we chose to sacrifice our access to others at the expense of being assured by others we are right makes us not only lose touch with our culture but it isolates us as well.     If our posture is being open with those we are having a conversation with, then usually that is reciprocated and they will be more open with you.  Underneath it all you can and are certain, but it’s not what you lead with because your confidence will be arrogance to an outsider of faith.  Smugness and superiority in things of faith are not appealing but humility and serving goes a long way.   I think that’s why grace is so appealing.  Grace is inviting and not imposing.   Grace and truth go together (John 1:17). So let grace lead the way and truth will back you up when necessary.

3.  Passion is the key to a message worth listening to 

I have been reading a book titled, "Talk like Ted" and one of the takeaways from that worthwhile read is that “people cannot inspire others until they are inspired themselves.”  A genuine passion for Jesus, who He is and what He stands for is critical when sharing authentically with others.  But it’s a passion for the right thing that is important.  Howard Shultz, founder of Starbucks, wasn’t as passionate about coffee but was more passionate about created a “third space.”  This is a space that would create incredible customer service to employees and be a place that people would love coming to work and be treated with respect.  Coffee was the product but the passion was the care of the people (customers and employees).  When sharing passionately with others, the focus must remain about the people and not the theology of Christianity.  Jesus was more passionate about loving others and less concerned about religious laws…let that be our model as well.

4.  Stop categorizing people

It’s easy for us to put people into catagories:  unsaved friends, worldly neighbors, secular campus, immoral co-workers, etc.  I understand that these are harmless descriptions in most instances but over time we place ourselves in a position of US and THEM when God is desiring WE.   Jesus created meaningful relationships with society’s sinners and outcasts.  Many Christians, without realizing it, shame and condescend others by creating a rigid exclusivity that over time can be hard to penetrate as someone who lacks faith.  I personally believe the word “hope” is one of the powerful words in our culture and bringing the hope of Jesus to a world that is severely lacking in hope could be one of the most robust words to share when talking about Jesus in our culture. The New Young Christian believes grace, hope and inspiration are potent words that work powerfully in unbelieving contexts.  They wake up every day, on mission to simply live like Jesus did by not categorizing their relationships but by seeing others around them as creations of God in need of restoration.

5.  Live a lifestyle of generosity

Simply put, find ways to be a blessing to others. This not only blesses you and produces incredibly fruit in your own life because of your own giving but it shows the world that your actions line up with what you say. It shows that you live what you believe. Saying you're a Christian is one thing, but living it authentically on a daily basis is something else.

6.  Choose integrity in all circumstances 

Don't compromise your beliefs.  Be honest.  Be truthful.  Have credibility.  Situations happen every day where compromise is not only contemplated but expected.  I had a situation in college when I was a server in a restaurant.   Every day I would pay for my soup while most of the other college student just “took a little bit” before their shift.  I chose to pay even though after my discount it was under a dollar.  Little did I know that my manager saw this and it moved him to make this statement:  “Most of my other employees steal from me by taking a small cup of soup without paying but you choose to pay me the 75 cents for the soup and you’re studying at Bible College to be a pastor?  I want the kind of faith you have.”  I’m proud to say I led him to Christ in the back of the restaurant that day.  It’s who you are when no one is looking and who you are when everyone is looking that not only defines your faith but speaks a message.    

7.  Model forgiveness

The ability to forgive quickly and often is one of the most powerful ways to show how Christianity really works.  When you model forgiveness you show the world an attribute that is not only a rare but healthy and healing for the soul…no matter who you are or what faith you come from.  Jesus modeled the ultimate forgiveness by saying these words, “Father forgive them, they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).  That kind of forgiveness of loving your enemies and forgiving quickly is authentic proof Jesus is who He says He is.

8.  Live vulnerably

Being authentic is showing the unhidden you but being vulnerable is showing not just showing who you are but revealing the broken parts of you.  Sharing your story or testimony with others let’s people know they aren’t alone.   The broken parts of your life is the common ground for the Gospel to be planted in.   Knowing your faith is knowing your story.  Where Jesus entered, what He has done and what He continues to do in you and through is powerful for people to hear.  How God is revealing Himself to me individually is my testimony.  How God is revealing Himself to us corporately (our church) is our message, what we preach as a church and how we live.  God’s revelation to us has the same effect it had on the disciples from the days of Jesus, “For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard (Acts 4:20).

9.  Be extremely hospitality 

So you invited someone to church and they didn’t accept your invitation.  Why not invite them to your house instead and share a meal with them and share Jesus with them while you’re at it.  It’s rare to be invited to a dinner party for many of us.  But Matthew used a dinner party to invite many of his friends who didn’t know Jesus and to be introduced to Him (Matthew 5:27-32).  Your pool party, game night, block party, Christmas Tea, Chili Night, spaghetti dinner, movie to dvd premier, baseball Sunday, neighbor night or super bowl party could be the moment that your friend gets introduced to Jesus.  So invite your friends who love Jesus and let them meet others who don’t and see what happens.   God seems to give a healthy community, who’s intentions are for the common good of others, restorative power to change the world (Hebrews 10:24-25).

Why I Stopped Evangelizing and Started Sharing Jesus

I walked into a conversation that others were having and I was ready to throw in my thoughts and contribute!  So when I walked in and shared my super amazing insight, I realized they weren’t talking about a film but talking about someone's actual circumstances. I was commenting like I was giving a movie review...Read the room, Alan.

Sometimes as Christians, we don’t necessarily “read the room” either.  I think at this time, in our culture, we are just like this awkward moment.  Culture is having spiritual conversations that Christians aren’t invited to because we are giving answers to questions that aren’t being asked. 

A question posed by most Christians:  

“If you were to die to today do you know where you would go?”

An answer given by some who are not Christians:

“I would become reincarnated and come back as a part of nature based on my good works that I contribute as a human being to better the planet because I believe in making the world a better place.” 

A response by Christians:
“Oh.  Ummm, ok.  I, uh…Jesus says, ummm….” 

The question is…what is the right response for those around us who are outsiders of faith who need the redemptive work of Christ in their lives?

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.  COLOSSIANS 4:5-6

Have the right response.   Maybe we are responding wrong.  The problem is  we are trying to answer questions that no one is asking.  Recently in pop culture these issues were highlighted in the last week:

Leonardo Dicaprio made his acceptance speech and instead of “thanking The Academy” he talked about climate change and indigenous people groups who don’t have a voice. Coldplay continues to have an album in the top 10  by reciting a 13th century poem mixed with Barack Obama reciting “Amazing Grace as this album in general continues to have a “heal the world” mission statement attatched to it.  The film, Spotlight is winning Best Picture about the church covering up abuse.   This is what the world is conversing about.

This week, culture is talking about creation, the nations, injustice and bringing restoration to a world that needs it more than ever before.   What are we sharing about in our churches that helps others draw nearer to Christ?  Let’s be honest, Jesus doesn’t come across in Scripture like he is “forcing his convictions upon us.  Jesus preached some of the hardest messages, yet crowds continued to flock to Him.   Part of the reason I think that faith isn’t potent in our culture is because we get nervous when the term ‘evangelism’ gets brought up.   What is evangelism really? 

Let me tell you what evangelism is not:

+  Having an acute knowledge of theology

+  Being super bold about faith issues

+  Reserved for only certain Christians

+  Bringing people to church

+  Being extremely educated and extraordinary

The fact is that is the farthest from the truth.  To be someone who can share faith with others, all you need to be is unschooled and ordinary. 

"Now as they observed the confidence of Peter and John and understood that they were uneducated and untrained men, they were amazed, and began to recognize them as having been with Jesus."  Acts 4:13

What if we saw evangelism as moving someone one step closer to Jesus.  It’s sharing your story of how Jesus has impacted your life with someone.  It’s inviting someone into your life and having a conversation with them about your life.

What if sharing your faith with someone was as easy as sharing your life with someone?

My life consists of the following slices of life:  marriage, kids, job, church, social life, spiritual life, etc.  Compartmentalizing these significant parts of my life compels me then to evangelize at the expense of others things.  Or in other words, “I’ve got to find time to share Jesus.”  But if I live an integrated life in Jesus then my ordinary life becomes a life of evangelism because by living daily for Jesus is sharing Jesus daily with others.

“Evangelism best benefits the church when you share your faith rather than evangelism benefits you when the church shares it’s faith. ”

Here’s how I think it works.  This means that when you talk about your kids, your marriage, your job, your friends, your church your passions…you are talking about Jesus.  Sharing about the joys or your struggles to have a better relationship with your spouse or significant other, becomes a moment that you can share how Jesus helps you to be a better, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.  Your passions to be a designer become a talking point to share how Jesus has given you this passion and how you want to use your creativity to inspire others about the creator, etc.  Your love of being a father is like the love of God who is a father so when you talk about your kids you can talk about your heart that God gave you.  When I’m with my friends and engaging in my social life, I’m sharing in my community that is connected by Jesus and for others to be connected because of Jesus.  When I’m in my church we are talking about Jesus and desiring to be more like Jesus so we can make a difference in our community and in our world.  Your whole life becomes a representation of the Gospel. 

I know there will be moments where we have to intentionally engage with the others about hard spiritual matters (afterlife, heaven and hell, born again, God and suffering, etc).  We absolutely need have these theological conversations.  But the reality we face as the everyday Christian is sharing Jesus with someone can be overwhelming to many.  But when Jesus becomes your life, is your life, talking about Jesus to others becomes less intimidating.

The church in Thessalonica understood this well. “We were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel but our whole lives as well.”  1 Thessalonians 2:8

Bringing people to church to hear about Jesus is one way of sharing Jesus.  Bringing the church to the people is another way of spreading the hope of Christ with the world.  I would argue:  Evangelism best benefits the church when you share your faith rather than evangelism benefits you when the church shares it’s faith.  That’s why the church doesn’t have to be the only valuable entity for sharing Jesus with the world.  You are just as valuable if not more.

The new Young Christian is rethinking evangelism in a new way.  Here are a few thoughts to get you inspired to share Jesus more often:

1.  Have more conversations and less confrontations.

It’s a different era now than before.  The question of “If you were to die today, do you know where you would go?”  This was a stirring question in the 60’s, 70’s , etc because of the cold war and the nuclear threat was very real to those in this era.  However, today the engagement with others in your community (neighborhood, school, workplace, etc) about Christianity is more of an abrasive issue than in anytime in history.  The culture war is dying out and the idea of being in a “battle” is an imagery that is less appealing to both Christians and non-Christians.  If we posture ourselves to a dialogue than engage in a battle for truth, we will most likely be more effective.

More to come in part 2...   

Why I Stopped Labeling As Secular Or Sacred Part 2

[Check out part 1 of this journal post as well if you haven't and let's continue the conversation...] 

Jesus knew His purpose was to remove the lines that kept people divided and restore the world back to it’s original design and purpose.  Jesus removed the fear of going into “secular environments” by spending time with Samaritans who were considered “compromisers of faith” by showing us that sometimes it’s a spiritual necessity to go because God wants to bring truth and to broken people just like the woman who was relationally broken, had 5 previous husbands and was living with her current boyfriend (John 4:17-18).

Jesus showed us that defining your education as secular or Christian isn’t necessary because Jesus attending “secular school” by learning a carpenter’s trade is just as spiritual as praying with someone as a respected rabbi.   I think Bible Schools and Seminary's are necessary.  I attended one and it forever changed my life, made me the man I am today and the relationships from those days are some of my closest.  Whatever God has made you to do and to go, then learn as much as you can and step out with God leading the way.  Some of  you will desire to be an accountant and will go to a Christian university to accomplish this.  Some of you want to reach students and will go to your local university to become a teacher to do this.  Some of you are feeling lead to work inside the church and will head to a Bible College to gain a deep understanding of Scriptures and learning more about deeper theological issues.  Jesus was a Rabbi and a carpenter.  He gained education from both because God's plan was for Jesus to be both.  Whatever and wherever Jesus is leading you, lean into the future God has for you and you won't be disappointed.     

Jesus redeemed Paul to show us there is no such thing as a “secular job” because Paul was a tentmaker and an itinerate communicator of the Gospel showing us all we are all called to full-time ministry as a follower of Jesus despite our career (Acts 18:3).    Just live out each obedient "yes" from God day by day and see what God does and where he takes you.  God’s less concerned about your secular contamination and more concerned about your spiritual commitment to say yes to God as often as you can.  But don't get me wrong, we need to continue to define and celebrate even more than ever the people who choose to make ministry their career choice.  The full-time calling of God to serve in the Church full-time is something that pastors need to highlight more, champion more and identify in younger people more than ever.  My point here is simply saying we are ALL called to full-time ministry in our areas of influence.  

Jesus showed us spending time with your “secular friends” isn’t wrong because when you enter their house (like Jesus going into Zacheus home to eat and have a relationship with him) it changes them because spending time with you as a Christian is spending time with Jesus...and people cannot help but be changed in the presence of Jesus.

6 Practical Ways To Remove the Secular Divide From Your Life and Live A Restored Life in Jesus:

1.  Stop Living a Compartmentalized Life

Many people see their lives as divided wedges, like pieces of pie, with little real connection to each other. This perspective violates the very nature of Jesus and His ministry as we've been finding out.  Yet many people view their lives as divided into separate, unrelated parts the reality is that is not how we are supposed to live. There are the parts that some view as secular, such as work, hobbies and recreation. These parts occur outside of sacred places, such as a church, youth groups, etc. and therefore are not related, in their minds, to faith.  This subtle dualism develops among well-meaning Christians making their lives complicated and spiritually draining at times.  God says this:  "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Cor. 10:31).  When you live a restored life, you live an integrated life instead of a compartmentalized one.  Where you’re at and what you’re doing aren’t as important as your mission to see God be known with those you are in contact with.   When you live on mission for Jesus you see your friends, your school and your job as restorative opportunities. 

2.  Let God Do the Loving First

We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).  That’s how God originated it.  Powerful words found in Deuteronomy 6:4-5 give us this challenge,  "The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." God created us to love Him with all my heart.  If I’m building relational bridges with the dude in the cubicle next to me or the girl sitting in the desk next to me then loving God with all my heart means I’m loving my neighbor because God loves them.  It doesn’t matter where they are or where they’ve been, Gods love for them isn’t different or categorized but genuine.  The authentic love thats to me and in me is because it’s from God who love's me and gave Himself for me so I can love others in the same way.  

3.  Experience God In All Places At All Times

For many sincere Christians, the mandate in Scripture that states, "Do not love the world or the things in the world" (1 John 2:15) tends to be a “false proof” that a division exists between Sunday activities and the rest of the week activities outside of church or “Wednesday night.”  The Bible teaches that God is everywhere. In fact, everything is known to God-whether it’s holy or not, "Where can I go from your Spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?" (Psalm 139:7).   God is omnipresent and their is reassurance of His presence not matter where we go.  When you’re at work, God is there. When you’re watching The Voice, God is there. When you’re worshipping God on Sunday morning, God is there.  As referenced earlier in Psalm 139:7, King David, the man after God’s own heart assumed the integrated life of God being invited into all we do is the way of the lover of God.  Basically, as a believer of God, you are saying essentially everything one does, thinks or feels has something to do with God.  That’s a good thing because the more God is invited into more places in my life, the more I am aware of God in my life and the more I will see God in my life.

4.  Restore Culture As Often As You Can

It’s easy to look at unredeemed people, places and things in culture to reject them.  We’ve all been guilty of responding with .  Let’s be restorers.  People who choose to see the broken places in the world and see a need to help than find a path to run from it.  That’s the way God intended it from the beginning.  The first human beings were called to care for God’s creation which means that should beour mandate as well.  I don’t want a Christian Adam Levine.  I just want Adam Levine to become a Christian.   

5.  Live Out of the Overflow

Faith is supposed to be interwoven into every day of your life, not reduced to a Sunday ritual.  Which means what you do on Wednesday at work is just as spiritual and special to God because God filled you up to work for him. The Bible’s first mention of the Holy Spirit is in Exodus, when two men are chosen by God to make the tabernacle. “Then the LORD said to Moses, ‘See, I have chosen Bezalel son of Uri, the son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah, and I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with wisdom, with understanding, with knowledge and with all kinds of skills – to make artistic designs for work in gold, silver and bronze, to cut and set stones, to work in wood, and to engage in all kinds of crafts” (Exodus 31:2-5).   The first person filled with the Spirit in the Bible was a creative (shoutout to all creative fields because God clearly sees us as the most important, duh.).  Bezalel was filled to overflowing by God to work his job throughout the week for God.  There is no line between secular or sacred work just the overflow of God to do work.  So let God fill you with His Spirit as often as you can so you can pour out as often as you can into as many places as you can (work, classrooms, neighborhood homes, coffee shops, etc).    

6.  Stop Having A Career And Start Following Your Calling

God makes it clear that “whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17).  God isn’t into separating our career from other calling but that they are one in the same.  Some of us are called to be a teacher and use our educational degree to champion the next generation.  Some of us are creative geniuses at numbers and that is your calling in life…to "work the numbers."  Some of us are burdened with a desire to serve the community or nations with non-profit work or start our own endeavor.  Some of us are called to partner with the church and work inside the church and pursue a career in the church world building and equipping leaders.  Whatever we do in life, it all works together for the good when we center ourselves on discovering our purpose and walking out that purpose authentically (Romans 8:28).  

Any other thoughts you have on living a restored life?

Why I Stopped Labeling As Secular Or Christian And Simply Started Living For Jesus: Part 1

I was recently sharing my testimony on how I became a pastor.  I was speaking about my unique life trajectory of finding Christ my senior year in college while finishing up my degree in Public Relations from my first Alma Mater before heading to Bible College when they replied,  “Oh, so you went to a secular school first...”  I said yes and then proceeded to share about how after I graduated with my bachelors degree, I then went to Bible College to get my ministry degree.  

A very innocent conversation but over the years I realized there is boundary in faith and culture that a majority of Christians insert into places.  It separates the good from the bad, the Christian from the non-Christian, the pure from the impure.  This divine division I’m speaking about identifies the two halves of our Christian culture:  secular and sacred.  This word, “secular” has seemed to anchor itself into our culture to describe what we can engage with and what we can't engage with.  

“Secularism allows us only to see divisive lines to not cross when instead of seeing a opportunity for God to redeem a moment, a story, a school or a workplace. ”

The term “secularism” first was introduced in 1851 by an atheist named George Jocob Holyoake making it a fairly new word for our language.  This word was used to describe views people had that were separate from religion.  Although I agree that we have to be spiritually aware and discerning of our surroundings, we have allowed this word, a word that is forged by someone who doesn’t have a faith in Jesus, to become a term that we use often as Christians.  We use it to declare a line, sometimes a divisive line between who I talk with, where I go, what I listen to, what I watch and how I interact.   Because of these well-meaning yet awkward conversations with other Christians (most people who are outside of faith don't even know what the term secular is) I decided years ago to stop dividing my culture up and placing them into secular or Christian compartments.

I understand things are holy.  I understand people are evil .  The point here is not to give permission to indulge in everything and everyone.  God says everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). We have to be spiritually aware of our surroundings.  Secularism in many instances allows us only to see divisive lines to not cross instead of seeing a opportunity for God to redeem a moment, a story or a workplace.  

This is not a post about secular music but a greater position of how to engage with others and engage with culture.  Basically, what makes truly Christian music "Christian" I would propose is the artists authentic heart to follow Jesus, not the t-shirt they are wearing, the label they are signed with or the film company that they are connected to.  For example, some Christians in media want to affect Hollywood and create a Christian alternate "Holy-Wood" universe where there are only Christians making Christian films with other Christians.  To live as someone who wants to restore culture back to Jesus, we need to move into Hollywood and lead these actors, directors and production assistants to Jesus.  One of my old students who is an incredible film director and is a wonderful Chrstian, Drew Hall, just made a film posing spiritual questions about the after-life.  This film is getting those who don't know Jesus to talk about spiritual things who normally wouldn't.  You can check out his film here.  Movies are modern-day parables and the movie screen is the story-telling "stained glass window" of our day.  Drew has chosen to rub shoulders and build relationships with Hollywood to see Hollywood be a place where people can hear and see the stories of Jesus.  He doesn't see secular or sacred, he just sees his life being used as someone to restore culture back to God. 

Maybe we should stop waiting for the "Christian version" of Coldplay to rise up from a youth group somewhere and show up on the front doorstep of a Christian music label and instead start seeing each member of Coldplay as God sees them: a creation of God who has a gifted them to create music together (you are still a creation of God even though you're not redeemed).   What if when you sing “you’re a sky full of stars … such a heavenly view”, you redeem that lyric as a exclamation to God from our lips as a praise of God’s beauty or even as a expression of love to your spouse celebrating your years of marriage that God put together in covenant.  I’m saying that for a moment, Coldplay becomes the worship band that possibly God had intended all along for them to be, rather than a band to “be avoided” because of their “secular” positioning in culture.  Basically, stop waiting for a "Christian Coldplay" to show up on the shelves of your favorite bookstore and why not put your passion into start praying for Coldplay to become Christian.    

When it comes to engaging with others and ideas in culture, I am posing a greater idea which is this:   Stop labeling with a secular or sacred line and start simply living a restored life in Jesus.

The Old Testament was very specific about a distinction of holy versus unholy.  Much of the Old Testament faith is removing things from your life and creating a community free from defilement was a very essential and obedient practice.  For example if you were to come into contact with someone who had leprosy you were to not touch them (Leviticus 13:45-46).  A leper wasn’t allowed to come within six feet of any other human, including his own family and wasn’t permitted to come within 150 feet of anyone when the wind was blowing. Lepers lived in a community with other lepers until they died. This was the only way the people knew to contain the spread of the contagious forms of leprosy.  These people were considered unclean not just physically but spiritually as well as many considered these individuals cursed of God and people were to avoid them. 

Now enters Jesus.  Jesus does something that caused many religious people to question Christ’s Rabbinical legitimacy and spiritual claims.  He crosses the line.  More than crossing it, he removes it.   He heals a leper in Mathew 8:2-4.  This was an incredibly bold move.  Many around him knew that Jesus was a Rabbi and had to follow Old Testament rabbinical practices of cleanliness and holiness.  Basically, Jesus knew to steer clear of something like this ... but He didn't. 

“Stop labeling with a secular or sacred line and start simply living a restored life in Jesus.”

Jesus showed a new behavior for us as followers of Jesus that we were to model:  erase the boundaries that divided up culture as “us and them” and declare “we.”  Jesus modeled living a life of going into broken places and fixing them.  Jesus modeled this idea of living out restoration so much that he confused others with his actions to be with those who were considered unclean that He Himself was thought to be a drunk, glutton, friend of the cheaters…basically a sinner just like those He was reaching (Matthew 11:19).

Peter does the same thing.  Peter used to seperate himself from the gentiles.  As a Jew he was not to “defile” himself and engage with those who aren’t part of God’s tribe.  But God removes that line of us and them and creates a “we” with both Jew and Gentile (Acts 10:  28-48).  After Peter Paul follows the same trajectory of living a life that doesn't have secular or sacred boundaries to them:

“There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galations 3:28”

— Paul the Apostle

That doesn't mean we can just do what we want and go to wherever we want to go without thinking.  Jesus was intentional with everyone he met and everything He did.  Jesus set Himself apart with His disciples to worship, show devotion to God away from the world.  Jesus had his 12 disciples that He prayed for and with that were lifegiving relationships that were essential for him.  To live consistently as a restorer and to redeem culture, you need a healthy community that you can get encouragement and prayer from.  You need a place to get realigned with God’s truth regularly so that you don’t drift off course.  He chose those men and women as a spiritual community for support and as a source of life-giving relationship while he was spending time with those in the world.   Jesus made His life’s purpose to be about nothing but the Father’s business (Luke 2:41-52) as a restorer of those who are broken, fragmented and separated.  He wanted to mend broken people.  He wanted to provide belonging to the outcast.  He knew he couldn’t do it without a community that was seeking God regularly.    Living from a restored community allowed Jesus to go and bring restoration to those that needed it.  Or in other words, living a restored life allows you to restore others because of Jesus. 

Living a simplified restored life pursuing Christ gives you such powerful moments allowing you to be more connected to Jesus and where sin and darkness have less of a hold on you.  Your authority in Jesus, confidence in Jesus and desire for the presence of Jesus becomes more important than anything else.  This gives you the permission to go into places that you never knew you could before....

Part 2:  Five Ways To Stop Labeling As Secular Or Christian And Simply Start Living For Jesus 

is next...

Developing A Leadership Point of View

To lead others well, it starts by leading yourself well. 

Leading yourself well starts by how you see things around you.  Its what I call "reading the room."  Being self-aware leads to effective self leadership which leads to potent organizational leadership.   So the question for the new young Christian is "how do you develop your leadership point of view as a young leader with minimal life experience but with a lot of passion?"

Here are a 5 questions to develop your leadership point of view:

1. Who are the influencers (key people) in your life who have had a positive impact on your life (such as parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, or bosses, etc.) and what did you learn from these people about leadership?

When you think about who most impacted your life, seldom do young people mention bosses or other organizational leadership. More often we talk about their parents, grandparents, friends, coaches, or teachers. What did you learn from these people about leadership? How did their influences help your leadership point of view evolve?

2. Think about your life purpose. Why are you here and what do you want to accomplish?

Young leaders need to have a clear picture of why they are doing what they are doing. Discovering your purpose in life at a young age is a lot of pressure.  So ask those around you what you are good at, what you excel at, what they see you doing well as well as what you aren’t good at, etc. Develop a purpose statement for your life.   My purpose statement is leading the next generation forward “to inspire callings, transform communities and renew culture together.”

3. What are your core values that will guide your behavior as you attempt to live your life “on purpose?”

Most young leaders suffer from a serious lack of awareness about their core values that results in an inconsistent and incoherent life.  You don't want to look back on your life with guilt or regret because of what you didn't do our could have done. Core values help you identify in life what’s important. The truth is every person values things differently. Having trouble identifying what you value, try filtering it through your decision making.  For example:  Would I choose to execute a unique team activity with my staff because I value shared experiences that we can look back on and have a shared memory of celebration or execute a monthly team leadership meeting valuing a reliable system to forge monthly team skills creating a dependable rhythm.  Both are great suggestions, but one values celebration the other values rhythm.  I choose celebration every time.  I think rhythm is important but I will fill my calendar with celebrations with my team rather than attempting to forge a rhythm with my team.  Both are building community but how you execute that is going to be build around celebration or rhythm.  The key is to start making a long list of words that inspire you, move you and get your heart beating.  Then narrow it down. I suggest that you focus on 3 or 4 values because the more you have it can be too many and immobilizing. Also, rank your values from the most important to least important because values are sometimes in conflict.

4. What are stories, movies, characters, biographies or hero’s that inspire you to become better?

I love stories that move me to be a better person.  I recently read a biography on George Washington and was inspired to be a better leader because of decisions Washington made under pressure and the power of timing in the moment.  The hero arc is something to look at as a leader as well that helps you think critically about your own call to adventure and the journey of becoming someone who changes to create change as a leader. 

5.  What authors that inspire you and what books are you reading?

One of the best ways to develop a point of reference as a young leader is to build a reference library.  I have a lot of books. I’ve heard reading someone’s book is like spending 12 years with that person.  Whether that’s true or not, I do believe that the more you read from other leaders, the more your perspective shifts and shapes.  Find those authors that you gel with and those that are different than what you’re used to.  Read books, highlight books and make notes.  Odds are, the words and paragraphs that jump off the page that you highlight are phrases that are striking a chord with you for a reason.

Take your research and put it together to develop your leadership point of view.  This perspective will change over time but it’s a starting place for you as a young leadership.

What other questions would you add to this list?

The Church and the Holy Spirit

I love celebrating and hearing from other young voices who are mobilizing the next generation to inspire callings, transform communities and restore culture.  Samuel Deuth is one of those guys who is doing it right.  His passion to see new, young Christians experience the power of the God is something that I'm definitely not just attracted to but want others to know about.  

I have Sam guest posting from one of his recent posts on the Holy Spirit and the Church.  If you have been in Christian circles for a while you will probably notice 2 polarized areas of the church:  those that are authentic growing Christians but who are shy towards the Holy Spirit or who avoid Him all together.  "Ain't got time for that." Then there are those that are followers of Jesus who are encountering the Spirit of God uniquely and authentically on a regular basis.  Sam's post calms you down and puts your mind at ease for amount as he shares some very down-to-earth practical insights on the encountering God uniquely through the Holy Spirit.  

See his post below:

As a pastor for the last decade plus I am passionate about seeing the Church grow and take ground on earth; like you, I’m praying for God to give us the cities that he’s placed us in. But, there is an alarming deficit in many churches that hinders the ability for that local church to be effective. It’s been something that God has really challenged me to encourage The Church to focus on; I’m talking about The Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is and always will be the #1 Church Growth Strategy that we have. This is not my theological soapbox-opinion, it’s a simple truth in God’s word. 100% of the growth of the kingdom comes from people turning from their way to follow Jesus. That process of conversion is a combination of the Holy Spirit drawing them and followers of Jesus empowered to be a witness of what Jesus has done for them. Acts 1:8 gives us insight into how important the Holy Spirit is, and why he told the disciples to not do anything until they had received the power of the Holy Spirit:

“you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth. ”

— Acts 1:8

4 REASONS THAT WE AVOID THE HOLY SPIRIT:

// WE HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED THE HOLY SPIRIT
This would be a key reason obviously, if you’re a pastor and haven’t been baptized in the Holy Spirit then you wouldn’t be inclined to pass it along to your church. This isn’t the space to fully explain the Holy Spirit, but I strongly encourage you to look into an introductory book on the Holy Spirit by John Bevere.

// WE HAD A WEIRD EXPERIENCE WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT
Just to clarify, you had a weird experience with people, not the holy spirit. God’s Spirit is powerful, and often overwhelming, but he’s not weird, that’s people and movements that can get weird. This is often the category that many pastors fall into, but I want to challenge you not to let a negative past experience cause you to avoid the truth of God’s word. We all preach this in different settings, but we must apply it and live it out in this area as well. I love a good latte or flat white, but I’ve been to coffee shops that didn’t know how to make them which left me with a bad experience, but that doesn’t mean that I’m never going to have a latte again. In the same way, you may have had a negative experience in a pentecostal or charismatic circle in the past, but be encouraged that there are great churches all over the world that are moving in the power of the Holy Spirit without it being weird.

// THE HOLY SPIRIT WILL SCARE UNSAVED PEOPLE
This is another common misconception. Just simply think about the fact that Jesus didn’t want The Church to begin until the power of the Holy Spirit came on the disciples. And when He came, there was noise, and what appeared to be fire, speaking in tongues, and it drew a crowd of people who were confused, and interested in what was going on. The kind of movies that are constantly being made should be a clue enough that people are often intrigued by what they can’t understand. There is a draw towards the supernatural in this generation. The Apostle Paul gives some great instruction to the Churches that speaking in tongues in a general Church services will be confusing to people, but encouraged us to focus more on prophecy because that would be a sign to un-believers of the reality of God. Like the above section, I’d say that the Holy Spirit doesn’t repel unsaved people, it’s weird people who do that. God’s Spirit is a powerful resource individually and corporately to edify and build the Church.

Prophesy is one of the greatest church building gifts a pastor can operate in.—Jurgen Matthesius,

// WE DON’T HAVE AN EXAMPLE OF HOW TO DO IT RIGHT
This is often a struggle for pastors, because your only example of the gifts of the Spirit or the power of the Holy Spirit operating in a Church service setting was weird, so it’s hard to know how it can be done correctly. First off, I understand the struggle, but don’t let that stop you from pursing partnership with the Holy Spirit in your own life and for the people God has given you. I’ve really loved the way our church [C3 Church], here in San Diego, CA is modeling this well. What Pastors Jurgen and Leanne have built is an incredibly fresh, relevant church culture that also has the power and gifts of the Holy Spirit operating in all aspects of the Church experience, BUT IT’S NOT WEIRD!! Come for a visit or join us at our annual conference: http://www.c3empower.com

3 WAYS TO ENGAGE THE HOLY SPIRIT IN OUR CHURCHES:

// ENCOUNTER NIGHTS
This an approach that I highly recommend. An Encounter night, or awakening night, or whatever you’d like to call it, is designed to create an atmosphere for people to connect with the presence of God. Churches normally create a night with more worship than a normal Sunday, and then sometimes they’ll bring in a guest speaker that can minister on the topic of the Holy Spirit and facilitate people encountering the presence and power of God in a way that isn’t weird. This is one of my favorite things to minister at or help pastors/churches implement this concept into the life of their church. This is definitely a great approach if you are beginning to lean more into the Holy Spirit as a Church. Because these nights are intentionally not during one of your regular services, the people who show up, really want to be there and are ready to grow and receive from the God.

// GROWTH TRACKS
If your church has a new members class or a discipleship track, have a session that teaches people about the Holy Spirit. At C3 Church, we teach on the empowered life in different ways throughout the 4 different tracks: Connect, Grow, Serve, and Lead. But then in the final class, we teach on the Holy Spirit, and end with a time of prayer where we invite people forward who want to receive the Holy Spirit. Again, in a normal, non-weird approach. No one is doing laps, screaming, or waving banners, it’s just people who have been taught the word of God responding to be filled with the Holy Spirit.

// CHURCH SERVICES
You mean that the gifts of the Holy Spirit can operate in Church without it being weird? Yes! First, if it’s going to be genuine than it can’t be forced. You don’t want to force two prophetic words and a healing every service, yet we do want to stir a “desire” for it like Paul encourages us to do. As we’re sensitive to it, we can respond and move as the Spirit leads us. We create flow of service, we have a plan but create space to hear from God. A great example was a couple Sunday’s ago, before David Chiddick (our C3 North Campus Pastor) started his message, he paused and said, “before I get into my message, I believe that God wants to speak to this lady for a moment.” Then he gently gets the attention of the women a few rows back on the left side, and while she’s in her seat just begins to share a prophetic word with her. (He didn’t use any of the “thees or thous”) She begins to cry because the word is right on for her season. After the word had been given to her, we applauded what God was doing and then he moved into his message. Incredibly powerful, but amazingly natural. There’s something powerful that takes place in the room after we all experience a word from The Holy Spirit; people are encouraged and faith is built.

“May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. ”

— 2 Corinthians 13:14

For more posts from Sam check out samueldeuth.com 

Less Is More

Love what Derek Olson is doing as he's curating leadership ideas and thoughts at verticalleader.com with his team.  Vertical leader has been featured on the “Jesus Culture Leadership Podcast,” & “SmallGroupChurches.com among others, Vertical Leader is a blog for all Pastors & Leaders who desire to: 

– Dream Big
– Never Settle
– Take Risks
– Keep Learning
– Serve Humbly
– Lead boldly
– Love Passionately
– Live with Integrity
– Change a Generation

Majoring in next gen ministry and small group ministry, their desire is to share & create content that equips & inspires Pastors & Leaders to grow vertical in their leadership & deeper in faith.  

I am the creative director at my church as I lead young adults amongst many other wonderful duties.  One thing I realized in the design world is that in so many instances "less is more."  In a noisy world with a lot of images and ideas in front of you, when you take a minimalist approach to design, it can stand out at times and look amazing.   The same can be said of our leadership in our churches and communities as well.  

I love what Jesus Culture is doing in leading the next generation forward and love what God is doing in their ministry their Resources Director/Jesus Culture Leadership Community, Dean Deguara.  He recently posted on Vertical Leader and thought I would share one of their recent posts on how to accomplish less and see God do more...

Vertical Leader Post:

We are driven by our need for more. More of this and more of that equals more of what we really don’t need. As I’ve served in churches for the past 20 years I’ve discovered that the Body of Christ in general has a fear of doing less. 

Logic says the more we do, the more people will come, the more people will give…but it’s quite the opposite. The more we do, the more mediocre we can get. The more things we do, the more confused we get about what we should really be doing. The more programs we birth, the more likely we are to never let them end. Feeding the need for more is killing churches because churches can’t keep up with the demand and the pace.

So instead of doing more, churches say no more. This too is a mistake. The pendulum swings to the other extreme of not doing anything and preserving what they have. Churches then become a shell of what they once were and a museum for what used to be.

In the Kingdom less is more. This is the tension that must exist in the church today. John the Baptist revealed a powerful truth when he expressed to Jesus, “I must decrease, you must increase.” The church must embrace the power of this truth. When the busyness of church activities and programming decrease, the Father’s business becomes evident and clear.

I helped guide a church through this decreasing process and we likened it to the imagery of what Jesus said to us in John 15:1 – 

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.”

Less is painful. If forces us to look at the branches that demand our time and energy but are not producing any life. When the lifeless branches are cut off then the branches we don’t cut off get more of our attention, but they too need some cutting back so they can flourish in the season ahead.

As we enter into a busy time of the year for church world let me give you three ways you can decrease as your headed into 2016.

Decrease Your Big Events – Take time to assess your events that you’ve been doing. Instead of adding something to the calendar pray about taking something off. Which event is not producing the fruit you desire, but demanding a lot of your team’s time and energy? Busyness is not always God’s business and drawing a crowd is not success unless spiritual outcomes equal the investment that is sown into the event (Time, money, resources, etc.).

Decrease Your Activity for 1 Month –  The church has become known more for putting you to work, rather than a place you come to find true rest.  We have lost the art of the Sabbath! We applaud companies like Chick-Fil-A for giving their employees rest by being closed on Sundays, but in church world we ignore the value of rest. In his book Addicted to Busy, Pastor Brady Boydemphasized, “You can’t ignore the Sabbath and survive.” I served at a church where we implemented into our calendar year a month of rest. After Thanksgiving programs stopped, we scaled back our Christmas production, and served and housed the homeless for a week instead. We just kept things simple through the Christmas season and initially people were simply mad,  kicking and screaming, because they were used to being busy for God. A few years later people began to appreciate the extra time with their families and loved ones. It was something they looked forward to. Decreasing helped them increase the most important things in their life and in our church.

Decrease Your Meetings – People don’t need an extra meeting to go to during the week. North Coast Church led by Pastor Larry Osborne has over 80% of his church in small groups. In his book Sticky Church he gives insight on how that has happened.

As a rule of thumb, most people will participate in only two time slots a week. No matter what that third meeting is for or when it takes place, it is hard to get anyone to show up. At North Coast we’ve chosen to adjust our ministry to this reality. Our entire church and our sermon based small groups are designed to work within the two-time-slot paradigm. We chose to radically cut competition because we felt that none of these other programs had the potential to provide the breadth and depth of significant relationships, or the laser like focus on God’s Word, that we could achieve with sermon-based small groups. Without cutting the competition so severely, there is no way we ever could have reached an 80 percent participation rate in our small group program. And without keeping things trimmed back, we wouldn’t have been able to sustain it, either. Admittedly, it’s much easier to cut the competition in a small or start-up ministry. All you have to do is say no. In more-established ministries, layer upon layer of competition already exists.

Notice the phrases cut competition, laser like focus, and trimmed back. Proof that when things are reduced the power to reproduce something healthy is increased.  It’s challenging to move from more to less, but as you do you begin to see God do a lot more with a lot less! Less is More.

To learn more about Derek Olson and his ministry, give him a follow at @derekgolson and check out verticalleader.com for more next gen leadership ideas.

To learn more about Dean Deguara and his ministry, check out what he's doing at deandeguara.com and give him a follow at @deandeguara 

The Greatest Habit You Have To Learn To Be The Best At What You Do

I think one of the greatest acts of courage a person can demonstrate is to be themselves.  Resisting the forces at work that attempt to make you into something you're not is exhausting and draining.  

That’s why forging the habit of self-discovery is a discipline every great leader has to learn to master.  Knowing who you are determines how far you go with your influence.  I think the opposite is true as well.  The less you know about yourself the less influence you can have.  The ability to read the room and your place in it critical.   That's why the greatest habit a young leader can learn is the habit of self-discovery. 

Adam Braun, founder of the innovative nonprofit Pencils of Promise, says “[Your] self-discovery begins where your comfort zone ends.”  It's not easy, you just have to be vulnerable, you need to be honest and have honest people surrounding you.  

For the new, young Christian, the younger you are the harder it is to know who you really are because you haven’t had enough experiences, enough trials, enough pleasures to know what you like and what you don’t like.  But don't let that discourage you.  You still have history, past moments, passions, taste and relationships in your life that speak to who you are and what you're about.  

How do you learn who you are?  Here some fast points to get you thinking:

1.  Get Rid Of The Other ME’s

As you’re discovering yourself you will discover there are a few “me’s” you have to avoid: 

The ME I don’t want to be.  This "me" is shows up in bitterness, unforgiveness, etc. 

The ME I pretend to be.  This "me" shows up in insecurity, vanity, dishonesty, etc

The ME others want me to be.  This "me shows up in people-pleasing performance, perfectionism, etc

There is a ME that God wants you to be. That is the true you. Recognize the voices of these other "me's" and simple get rid of them.  Like assassins they will do everything in their power to sabotage your true identity so take them out first.  

Henri Nouwen writes, “Spiritual greatness has nothing to do with being greater than others.  I has everything to do with being as great as each of us can be.  

2.  Be yourself more often

Stay true to who you are. Secure and self-aware leaders exude confidence and give confidence to others. In a changing world, the habit of self-discovery is critical for the stability of your career, your relationships and your organization.  So if your relationships, environments, title or job changes...you don't. You stay true to who Gid has called you to be.   It’s not about what you do but who you are.  Which means your identity precedes your activity.  Human being first then human doing.

3.  A better “me” is a better “we"

Great leadership starts with self-leadership, which means you know yourself. This is paramount. “Who am I?” is the foundation to “How do I ___________?” Everyone wants to be great. But few are willing to put in the hard work to get there.  You can’t take people to where you’ve never been so you’ve got to push yourself to get to where you want to go first.  When you discipline yourself and create habits to advance yourself, you have pioneered a trail that others will follow.  Essentially proving the point that a better “me” is a better “we."  Your self-leadership will always benefit those around you so lead yourself well. 

4.  Know who you’re not

The best thing that you can do is invite honest feedback into your life.  Who has that permission to be honest with you, your career, your personality and your future?  We all know that girl on American Idol who was told “fulfill your dreams” and “you have an angel’s voice” only to have J-LO and leaving Seacrest to clean up the mess.  Don’t be that kind of voice to those around you…you are not avoiding a conflict but promoting a bad future for those in your life who need that honest feedback. 

Enlist a team of people around you to be honest with you and that you can be vulnerable with.  Do this regularly and ask them what you’re NOT good at.  It’s hard to receive criticism.  I know.  But think of it less as criticizing you and more of creating you…into a better person.  Teachability is a trait that is hard to master as a young leader so be intentional with others and cultivate a posture of teachability with others.  Give those you trust in you life permission to be honest with you and watch your gifts be brought to the surface.  

5.  Take a Test.

Self-discovery tests are great tools to help identify who you are and what you're good at. It doesn’t matter if you prefer StrengthsFinder, Myers-Briggs, DISC, or any other reputable one. Pick one or two and get started. get started. Know very clearly your areas of strength. Thick of these tests as excavation tools.  They are unearthing what is already there. They will highlight areas, give you language and 

Once you have a few results in hand, review them next to each other and look for words, phrases and patterns that come to the surface. This removes the emotion out of it.  A printout can’t “hurt you feelings” but will still be honest with your identity, gifts, and passions. And keep doing it every few years to to see how your gifts and passions have changed.

6.  Schedule regular get-aways. You need to put into your calendar times to "work in" your calling and "work on" your calling.  Basically, you have to pull out of the hustle and allow yourself time to work on yourself as a leader so that you can get back to working on your projects. 

Book appointments with people you trust that you have given permission to speak into your life.  Run your current schedule, projects and life by these people.  They will give you insight as to what you need to work on. 

These must be personal retreats where you focus on reflection and introspection.  Go alone to a quiet place if possible and unplug from your phone, e-mail, and social media as much as possible.  Be intentional about answering specific questions about who you are and how you’ve changed since the last time you did this.

Self-leadership is  a constant process. Self-awareness is the evolution of self-leadership. Knowing who you are means leading yourself first and leading yourself well...it starts with you.

7.  Keep Learning Because Self-discovery is not a one-hit-wonder. 

Self-discovery is about excavation and not production.  Producing who i am for others comes from outside pressures.  You mold yourself for the expectations of others.  Excavating who I am comes from the inside.  It’s already there and is embedded into my personality, etc.  It’s about unearthing who I am and what I’m meant to do.  Once you feel you have discovered your identity, you’ve probably changed. So self-discovery is not a one-time perception but a lifetime of excavation.  

Schedule identity-discovering exercises into the rhythms of your life. If you aren’t intentional about identity, you’ll ignore it because YOU are too important to be too busy to be overlooked or ignored!

What practices do you have that you could add?

How To Create Culture To Create Change?

I love the word culture.  After all, companies like Google and Amazon are known for the culture their company permeates.  

But how does an organization create a culture when one has never been defined? It’s difficult because there’s a culture that’s evolved since no one stepped up to direct the culture.

Because we all have a whether you realize it or not.  For some of us it’s intentional:  community, significance, being heard, valuing gifts, honoring others, celebrating, etc.  But also what we don’t do creates culture as well:  we don’t engage in conflict, we don’t manage our time well, we don’t plan for future, we don’t celebrate or have fun, etc.  What we don't do still creates an infrastructure that supports our bad behavior.  

For us visionaries, you can have a good mission but a bad culture will devour your mission.  Culture is what your environment shows you value and values make your decisions for you.  Those decisions drive your mission forward which proves the point that bad culture leads to bad direction.   It’s now your duty to create the culture you want.

If culture is important, how do we create a good culture for our family, community, work, etc?  

HOW TO BE A CULTURE CREATOR:

Model it first.

You have the power to shape the culture. To do so, you must model the behavior you want seen.  This means acting the way you want others to act. This means doing the things you want done, done.

If you value being on time then be on time.  If you value passion, then be passionate.  If you value honesty then be honest.  If you desire a praying church then be someone who prays often.  You set the tone as the leader.  So start with your immediate relationships, your department at work, your family and work from there.  

Hire those to make a cultural impact: Hiring others or adding volunteers to join your team or organization can impact your leadership culture.

Seek out team members who fit the mold of the culture. Avoid those who do not fit with the way you want your organization to be. Hire your weaknesses with the hopes that their values will be instilled into your organization and inspire you and others to emulate.  

Mentor team members: You can shift the culture by taking younger team members under your wing. Show them the ropes and gently guide them in the direction you want them to go.

By mentoring your team members, you can show them authenticity and instill values in those moments.   Plus you get buy-in from the group as they learn more about you as you are transparent.

Share the wins: Something great happens when you share wins and give others the credit. Whether it’s bringing in new congregants, creating a project together or advancing in your ministry, be willing to spread the love around.

Give examples of how different team members helped bring the organization to the next level.

You’ll see your staff begin to pull together because they realize their efforts are being recognized. That’s good for culture!

Create a chance to grow: Your culture probably wants to see your team grow. You want to see them expand their knowledge, take on new challenges, and succeed.

This requires giving them a chance to grow.

Offer opportunities to:

Get a higher education

Step into a new leadership role

Learn something new

Accept a challenge

When your team grows, your organization grows. Let your team know you’re behind their desire to learn!

Good culture doesn’t happen. It takes hard work from everybody.

Be willing to step forward and lead the way.

Question: How do you shape the culture within your family, community or organization?