Part 1: How to move forward into the future you've always wanted

I was out of coffee recently with a young adult and we were talking about her future. She echoed the similar sentiment that many other young adults have which is essentially this:

I just don't want to miss what God has for me.   

If there's one thing we obsess over as young adults, its our future.  Of course our future deserves thought and intentionality.  We should be passionately pursuing it  but instead we as humans tend to be anxiously pursuing it.  

When we worry we hurry.  We want to make our future happen.  So we  recognize frustration at a job, tension in a relationship, sense of dryness in a spiritual life, boredom in a season as possible signposts to exit off our trajectory and head down a different one.  Until one day we realize we have got to a place, a future we don't like or that was never meant for us.  A false future. 

How to move forward into the future you've always wanted:

Build a tribe around you to make you better

I think your destiny is less about WHAT you're supposed to do but WHO you are supposed to do it with.  So find the people around you who are modeling where you want to go. Find people who have gone before you and have walked through your life stage to coach you through it.  Find someone who is similar in strengths and personality with you and ask them how they have dealt with the personality traits that can sabotage.  Usually those relationships are walking down a path or have walked down that path and you can simply follow them or at least they can point you in the right direction.  Proverbs 13:20 says, "Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble."  So find good friends.  I’ve spent a lot of time trying to intentionally pursue friendships and relationships with people who are smarter, more skilled and simply ‘better’ than me.  To become a better person and leader, spend time with people who are better than you.  A better me leads to a better future for me.  

Be known as a person of faithfulness

Being committed to something that goes beyond just your emotions is a challenge for most young adults.  Maybe that’s why faithfulness seems rare...not just in marriage but also in life. Culture teaches us to dispose of anything or anyone we don’t like. So do the opposite. Learn how to be dependable, consistent and loyal, holding to what you know is right even when you feel like it.

“Your skills, talents and personality will take you only as far as your character can sustain you.”

Choose a community and be devoted to them

Friendship circles change when you leave school, get married and even change jobs.  In the midst of all that change, find a few friends and stick with them for life.  Most people can only handle 5 really close relationships in their life. You are the sum total of the 5 people you spend the most time with.  So choose those 5 well and build into those relationships deeply.  Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.  Find your community and get rooted in the soil of these relationships.  

Let your weakness be your weakness and call it a day

We try to improve our weaknesses to be good at everything.  You’ll never be great at everything. So instead of trying to improve your weaknesses...manage them don't ignore them.  Instead focus improving your strengths.  Once you realize you’re only great at a few things, you’re free to become even greater at them.  Take Strengthsfinders test.  Take personality tests.  Take time to talk to those who know you best and interview those closest to you to take an inventory of what they think you do best.  Pour your time, energy and resources into what you do well. That’s the difference between being good at something and being best at something.

“I think your destiny is less about WHAT you’re supposed to do but WHO you are supposed to do it with. ”

Map out the "high roads in life" and take them often

The high road is the hard road. But it’s the best road.  People will try to pull you off the high road again and again.  The high road and God's future are most likely the SAME ROAD.  Want to know if you're on the right path towards God's future?  Be humble, honoring those ahead of you and blessing those behind you.  If you are prideful, a dishonoring person and someone who is creating division and strife then you better check where you're at because that road leads to nowhere.  But if you choose to take the high road often, you can look back and see the view of your life that you can be proud of.  Jesus said it best in Philippians 2:3-4, "Do not act out of selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility think of others as being better than yourselves. 4 Do not be concerned about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others."

Relentlessly pursue self-awareness or in other words "read the room"

Self-aware people make the best leaders and are easy people to hang out with in life. Probably most of your favorite people in life are the people who are self-aware.  But self-awareness doesn’t come naturally. Selfishness makes me naturally blind to what is happening around me.   So "read the room" and if you can't then find someone who can...they're called a "wingman" (and I guess "winggirl" because "wing woman" just sounds ... ). 

Push through the dry seasons

Trust me when I say you will have times when your relationships, career and spiritual life will seem flat.  Remember why you are there and don't forget it.  What was the last thing God spoke to you in prayer (via a Scripture, song, church, spiritual friend, quietly in prayer, etc)..  Revisit those words often.  Unless God has changed His mind, that's where you are supposed to be.  That's why God says to pray about everything.  Because then your yes to these decisions in your life have meaning even when you don't feel like it does.  Let your emotions catch up with your obedience because you don't always have to "feel it" but you should always obey it.  So be obedient and follow God above all else.  

Anything else you would suggest?

#blunt on contentment

Learn to be content with who God made you to be and what God has called you to do.  You are meant to be unique.  When you compare yourself to others your measure of success is dependent on how far the other goes, how hard the other works and their standard of life.  When you compare yourself to Christ and His standard, Jesus becomes your measure of success.  And his measurements are this:  being forgiving when others are being holding grudges, being humble when others are pumping their chests, being kind when surrounded by selfishness, being honoring when surrounded by selfish ambition, being committed when others are giving up, etc. 

You’ll never be happy when you are comparing your lives to people and things because they’re temporary.  Christ is eternal.  Contentment is Christ because when you encounter Christ you forfeit the world to gain what your soul which is what you are truly longing for.  Another way of looking at it is “discovering your discontentment” with what you have and not what you don’t have.  That’s why you lose your soul when you gain the world.  The things never cease their beckoning.  They will hold you till the end.  They are always whispering you need to have more.  They are screaming that what you have is not enough.  Contentment silences the screams of society that compel you to want more and need more. 

If the desire for more is the saboteur of enjoying contentment then the desire for Jesus is your ally in staying in contentment.  Love Christ more and you love things less.  Love God more and you love money less.  Love Jesus more and you love fame less.  The paradox is the more you love Jesus the less important things become and the more important people become.  Now your friends matter; now your family becomes significant; now your church becomes a community that you can’t live without.  

Being fulfilled is a powerful emotion.  It’s being filled to the full.  You will find a full life when you encounter Christ.  Jesus said it best,

“…I have come that you may have life, life to the full.”  John 10:10. 

At the end of the day, your circumstances will not make you happy.  No matter how much money you have, the house you own, the friends you surround yourself with, and the title you have at work because nothing can satisfy like Christ can.  That’s why Paul made sure he mentioned this in the Bible,

“11 Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. 12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ,[a] who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:11-13

Godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Timothy 6:6).  Contentment without godliness means you’re experiencing something but not gaining anything.  Godliness puts your motives to your contentment.  It’s having the peace of mind with the Prince of Peace.   It’s a peace that affirms it’s not about looking around at what you wish you had but It’s found by what you don’t.  It’s about subtraction not addition.  Contentment will never come by adding to what I have but from subtracting from what I want.  What I’m saying is I won’t find contentment when I keep adding to what I have until my contentment rises to meet my level of desire but I will find contentment when my desires are lowered to my level of contentment.

Ambition is celebrated and rewarded in our culture.  Being ambitious to find your purpose isn’t wrong but striving to obtain possessions and power is.  Because when you strive you miss out on enjoying what you have and where you are at and who you’re with. 

Stop Getting Stuck In Life

Pro-motion. 

From faith to faith (Romans 1:17)

From Grace to Grace (John 1:16). 

From strength to strength (Psalm 84:7).

You are meant to move forward.    It’s one thing to be planted.  It’s another to be stuck.  God takes us from faith to faith, grace to grace, strength to strength, etc.  We are meant to move forward and to not stay the same person or be in the same place spiritually.  If you are the same person you were a year ago...than have you really encountered the transforming power of Jesus?Maturity says you are progressing.  Wearing the same clothes, eating the same food, talking the same vocabulary, throwing the same tantrums when you don't get your way when you were 5 would not be celebrated with anyone in our culture.  You are meant to grow, mature, advance and move forward in all things in life...especially spiritual matters.  

God wants you to move forward.  God is a God of pilgrimage.  We have to have an obedience in the same direction.  I think we can cut short the forward motion from God.  One of the big reasons why our advancement stalls and we get stuck from moving forward is our indecisions.  We have a lot of choices today.  Have you surfed iTunes lately?  Have you been on cable and tried to find espn or hgtv lately?  Their are hundreds of channels.  All I want to do is watch some chefs make a twist on creme brule' and I can't find the freaking food network.  There's a lot to choose from.  When a chosen generation has to choose a spiritual direction, it can become daunting.  But Jesus makes it easy.  Following a God who makes it simple by declaring, “I am THE way and THE truth and THE life.”   Yet we still can get stuck at indecision.  Because our culture reinforces these questions:  

Is this the best?

What if I miss it?

I have more to do?

My dreams aren’t fulfilled yet?

In the midst of decisions make it simple.  Deciding to move forward in life is not just the right thing to do, it's a standout characteristic in our culture.  Failure to launch is backstory for many.  So let your faith to move forward be your story.  So in the midst of many choices you choose the best thing you can do: 

As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”  Luke 10:38-42

She chooses Jesus.  Not only does it empower her to walk thru the crucifixion of Jesus but she becomes one of the ones to see the Resurrection of Jesus...Martha is nowhere to be found.  Mary saw Jesus that day but she experienced a side of Jesus that only a few experienced.  She went from faith to a faith where she saw the Resurrected Christ.  She went from a strength of finding Christ when she needed Him most to a strength where she was one of the few with Jesus at the cross and not only that, saw him resurrected first.  She went from a grace to meet Jesus to a grace to follow Jesus and become one of the most celebrated disciples in the Bible.  

Move forward...and leave indecision behind!

Embrace The Culture

Some of the most spiritual experiences I've had have been outside the walls of the church. I remember one time I was at a Sigur Ros concert when I was 19. As the band played, my heart was uplifted. As I heard the voices of the masses united, I heard angelic choirs. I’ve always had a love for art, music, and culture and I've always had a tension with how to engage with them. But I know that the testimony of nights similar to the one above show me that there may be going on in pop culture than mere entertainment.

More often than not there are things in our culture that can be redeemed rather than rejected. Obviously there are certain things that need to be not embraced. If you want to be a Christian stripper to reach people for Jesus you need to go back to the drawing board. However, there is so great opportunity in what can often be seen as a gray area. Redeem the gray area by shining light on it. All too often we make or promote art or music that specifically resonates with Christians. We give immense grace to the less than quality film or the cheesy lyrics because it is the heart that counts. I think that we can have both. I think we can have the standards of popular culture and the values of Christ all at the same time. Claiming the Sigur Ros concert as an encounter with God might just be a powerful testimony.

Everything in some way gives glory to God. Saint John of Damascus says “Greeks sacrifice to demons, but Israel blood and burnt sacrifices to God(Damascene, 74).” The medium and content are important but who you direct the adoration to is even more vital. There is a lot of non christian specific content that is full of good values and good questions. Be aware and able to discern what is nourishing and what you need to excrete.

Furthermore it says in Colossians that everything was created by God “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions

or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him(Colossians 1:16).” If the hand of God has touched it, It is in some way blessed. We can either pervert the blessing or embrace and multiply it. Why not take a stance on drawing out the meat in every situation, praising what is worthy of praise. Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. Do not withhold good things because they may be bad. Train in yourself and your community the art of discernment.

God permits a great amount of freedom in what we should take in. There are consequences to our actions but there are also potentials. It says in 1 corinthians 10:16 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” this scripture is talking specifically about food laws held by the Jews; however, there are parallels we can draw out. If you can have an encounter with God in an unorthodox place, so be it. This is not a careless freedom but rather an opportunity to be with and proclaim Jesus. The values and heart of Christ should be in you no matter where you go. So walk faithfully in everywhere you go and whatever you make.

If the incarnation shows anything it's that God is willing to embrace the world. Truth and the gospel should not reside in heaven rather it should step over cultural lines. The declaration of truth is not reserved for sanctuary; it needs to be proclaimed in the public square, the academy, the movie theater, the music venue, and the art shows. It is important to have sacred places, but sometimes it is even more important to bring sacredness into the world. Often in the modern church a goal is to bring people to church. It is almost as if we view ourselves attempting to hurry people to an escape pod as a space station is exploding. If Christ is victorious then

wherever Christ is salvation is. Whether that is at an altar or a beer soaked floor. Truth is not confined to a certain place; the presence of God is not confined to a certain place.

So make coldplay your anthem of truth. If you are a creator, don't be trapped in the box that for truth to be proclaimed it needs to end with an alter call. And more so, I’ve noticed that more than anything our call as Christians is to love people. It is to build compassionate and trustworthy relationships with others. The content of what we embrace or create is important but the people we encounter is even more important. So view concerts as an opportunity to meet people and “. . . Be prepared to give an answer for the hope that you have.”

Often I have seen Jesus really come out not in the vessels of entertainment and creativity but our interactions with the people we encounter. “ Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.”

All this to say I think that we can discern cultural engagement rather than retreating. If nothing else we need Christians in the mainstream to proclaim Christ. Maybe just because a concert doesn't end in an alter call God can't work through it. 

Mitch Johnson is a recent graduate of Crown College who Studied Theology, Music, Worship and is on the team at The New Young Christian building community and the worship culture

Start Leading From Responsibility Not Title

Most of us grew up in systems that called us out to be responsible. As young people, we were responsible for putting toys away, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, getting our homework done, putting gas in the car.   We’ve been given responsibility at an early age but somewhere along the way…our need or want of responsibility changes into a need or want of title. 

That’s why I’m intrigued with David.  David was called and set apart in his teenage years to become King.  After this powerful revelation of David’s title, what was David’s next step?  David walked out the door and headed back to the fields to continue herding sheep.  Imagine being told by the House and Senate one minute, “You are slotted to be the next president” and then the next, to find yourselfheading back to class, your cubicle or your coffee shop to finish your shift. 

David’s first leadership assignment was self-appointed to go after Goliath, because his people didn’t know what to do or how to move forward.  Leaders lead because there is a conviction to act.  There is a cause worth fighting for.  And when no one else is taking leadership, they are willing to risk their personal comfort and reputation to see it through to completion. David did that because he saw the opportunity and felt the burden to act.  Real leaders don’t need to have a position to make a difference but a precept.  And that precept is responsibility. 

I love the story in 1 Samuel 23:1-5. 

23 When David was told, “Look, the Philistines are fighting against Keilah and are looting the threshing floors,” 2 he inquired of the Lord, saying, “Shall I go and attack these Philistines?” The Lord answered him, “Go, attack the Philistines and save Keilah.” 3 But David’s men said to him, “Here in Judah we are afraid. How much more, then, if we go to Keilah against the Philistine forces!” 4 Once again David inquired of the Lord, and the Lord answered him, “Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand.” 5 So David and his men went to Keilah, fought the Philistines and carried off their livestock. He inflicted heavy losses on the Philistines and saved the people of Keilah.

David saved a city, without any assigned position of leadership.  Sure, he had been anointed to be king, but he wasn’t yet “sworn in” to office.  He was a king in waiting. Sometimes the only way to demonstrate the authenticity of your title is to face the opportunities God gives you, that are right in front of you and to take the responsibility to act. 

 So you're in a position and you don't have a title. That doesn't mean your void of responsibility. Use your gifts and talents and wisdom to make a difference. Not only do you better the organization but you better yourself.  If you were truly meant to be the leader in the place got his position you, then you should feel compelled to make a difference, align yourself with the cause or  feel the conviction to make the right decision.   Don't make a call to action dependent on  what it says in your business card.    Be moved by the conviction direction and vision of the organization of where God has called you to serve. 

So don’t wait for the title to hand you the responsibilities but let your responsibilities earn you the title! 

6 Ways to Overcome Insecurity In Your Life

Insecurity will come when you compare yourself to another person.  In a world of constantly looking at other's "highlight reels" on social media, it's never been easier to fall into self-doubt. 

Doubting yourself has never been easier than when you're at the gym. Now, I normally don't wear workout gear as all-day clothes.   Some people love their yoga pants. They live in them. I don't own yoga pants (but I'm sure if I did own them, I wouldn't take them off)...but I do own some rad UnderArmor.   This isn't just your "plain black" or some solid color...no.  This kind has stripes in just the right places making my chest look like I'm an Avenger.  So when I hit the gym, I feel like Thor ... until I see the other guys.  I start comparing my strength to theirs. They are lifting more than me, benching more than me, sweating more than me, grunting louder than me (just kidding I don't grunt because grunters aren't self-aware enough to realize that you sound like a yak giving birth).  I begin to think that I don't belong there.  That I'm not good enough to be there. So I shrink back to the corner of the gym where the ab-roller's and hand grips are.  I self-sabotaged myself. So I go back over to the bench press and say, "what are you lifting bro?"  And begin to describe how I used to lift but took some time off because of an old football injury back when I played in college (great...now I'm not just battling insecurity but now I got a lying problem....come on, Alan)

The reality was I DID belong there.  Insecurity seems to develop when a person compares his or herself to another. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. Be yourself. Realize that who God designed you to be is not a mistake. You need to stop comparing and start living in your own skin.

How to overcome Insecirity:

1.  Know your identity in Christ

You have a relationship with Christ.  I have found a direct correlation between my security in my relationship with Jesus and my security with other people.  If I'm insecure in my relationship with God then I will be insecure with my relationships with others. On the other hand ... the more secure I am with God the more secure and confident I will be in moving forward in God's plan for my life.   Remember, “You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength”. You can do all He calls you to do, because He will equip you for His call – and strengthen you when you need strength most. If you are facing insecurity in leadership, remember “He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).  Insecurity is when I'm focused on what others think about me but security is when I'm focused on what God thinks about me.  When you truly find out how God made you to be...you will never want to be anyone else or do anything else.

2. Concentrate on your abilities

What are you good at doing? Make a list of your good qualities. You probably have more than you think you do. In times of feeling insecure we often forget who we are and how God has shaped us through experiences of life. Imagine telling a family member or a friend they aren’t gifted? So why would we believe this about ourself? So make a list and keep it accessable. It will help you feel more confident if you focus more on your positives than your negatives.

3.  Never stop growing

Seek wisdom from other leaders who have gone before you.  I love that the Bible is full of leaders who were felt unqualified and who were lacking the skills and education to do the job.  When I feel overwhelmed or insecure, I read the stories like those of Gideon, Moses, Joseph, David, or Joshua repeatedly to supply me with great encouragement.)  Find knowledge from mentors who are farther down the road than you.  Read books on topics that interest you and from authors you want to mimic of learn from. Up your education.  Join a network.  The more you grow in information the more competent you will feel in your role.

4.  Discover God's perspective

Insecurity rearranges everything you see and hear in leadership. So maybe the chaos you're experiencing as a leader in your organization, family, etc is because you are listening to the wrong voices or you are focusing your eyes on the wrong things. If God holds everything together then being held by God means and with God and in God means you should be the most secure person so insecurity could mean that you were feeling out of the grip and hand of God.  Focus on Christ and experience your foundation becoming firmer.  

5. Get grounded in confidence

Confidence is not what You do with God but what God does with you...Don't limit God by your insecurity. Confidence is in annointing. When God affirms you it's not for just for a moment but to put you in a place of extreme security in Him. Confidence is what sustains you.   Confidence is what keeps you grounded security and God. The root of confidence is "confide."  Confiding in Jesus is a practice that will notmonky makenyounsecire but get you closer to Jesus.

6. Find people who compliment your weaknesses

A healthy church or organization strength comes from its different people. So don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are people who are better at doing things you don't feel comfortable doing or not skilled at doing things you don’t feel comfortable doing. It’s not a sign of weakness to get others involved. It’s actually a sign of strength as a leader. 

Any other advice you would give?

#blunt on comparing yourself

When you compare yourself to someone else you were simply saying you were trying to be someone else. Giving you a false inferiority under them if they're better or giving you a false superiority over them if you're better.  You never were supposed to feel superior or inferior but to be an admirer.  And more than admire be an enthusiast.  Celebrate what others are doing a set of comparing what others are doing is the best way to stay free from jealousy and pride. Your uniqueness doesn't and shouldn't make you superior or inferior but peculiar. No one can worship God like you or for you. Since your life as an act of worship, every word you speak is a unique vernacular and sound that is distinct to the chorus of your community: every action is a unique expression to the mosaic of what the kingdom of God looks like the others.  If you don't know who you are and you don't know your identity then culture will tell you who you are and declare your identity.  And culture's rules will usually demand you to conform instead of giving you permission to be unique.  At a time when we are becoming less black-and-white and more gray…there's no better time for you to be the unique masterpiece God has called you to be / (Ephesians 2:10).  A masterpiece is a one of a kind expression from the creator that his valuable because there is none like it.  Companies manufacture pieces that are "mass-produced" and put into "rows and columns to be put in shelves" but a "creators" make masterpieces that are restored and created to be out on display."  So stay one of a kind and stop comparing yourself.

How To Build True Identity

Today, we live in a “tell everyone” culture.  Instagram, twitter, facebook, blogs all push us to record ourselves.  Think about the trends we’ve seen unfold over the last 20 years or so: 

We take hundreds of “selfies” on our phones.

It’s been calculated that the average Millennial will take 25,000 selfies in their lifetime. We love to record ourselves, on photos and in video. We even feel the need to capture how we look in everyday moments of the week.

We feel we must record our stories.

Millions find a way to document heir story and tell it to others. In the past, the autobiography ought to be the "preserve of the people who had something important to say" or who were of "lofty reputation.” Today—anybody can start a blog and write about themselves.  

 We build personal platforms to talk about our lives.

People create platforms for their lives, hobbies or interests. Thanks to social media, millions of platforms have been created so others can see who we are and what we’re doing.

The thought is do these realities foster a new kind of self-esteem? Does my desire to record my life signal a healthy posture to pass value on to others or does it indicate I’m starving for attention?  Do these realities influence me to believe that my sense of identity must come from lots of “views” or “shares” or “likes” or “retweets?”

Is that our scorecard now?

Futurist Len Sweet writes in his book, Nudge, “We live in an attention-deficit culture more adept at gaining attention than at paying attention.”

I believe we live in a 21st century culture that fosters an identity problem. In generations past, our sense of identity was primarily drawn from:

• Finding where I fit in the bigger picture and how do I contribute there

• Demonstrating my worth by using my talents while on a team of people

• Belonging to a family and guarding the honor of the family’s reputation

How Can We Build True Identity?

I believe we feel best about ourselves, when we:

1. Discover our authentic talents and use them to add value to other people.

We will cultivate a robust self-esteem when we feel what it’s like to use our unique abilities to serve those less fortunate.  The more we put others first in a me-first society, the more we will discover who we are and who God is.  

Let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

 

 

2. Connect to a name or cause that’s bigger than us and play a role in that cause.

 

Whether they know it or not, we long to “belong” to something bigger than ourselves.  When we find a community that has a greater purpose and it's obvious I'm better when that community is together.  Whether it's a family, I tried, the church, and organization or whatever place where your values lined up… Let those values be linked to a cause that you can believe in that goes beyond you.

He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the LORD. Jeremiah 22:16

 

3. Rely on personal achievement, not just affirmation, to convey our value.

As someone who loves which affirmation I've come to realize that affirmation from others won't be enough.  Identity is forged through doing something valuable with what we’ve been given.

Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Psalm 37:4

 

4. Attach our identity to something that cannot be taken away.  

Connect your identity to something (your faith, your cause, your family, etc.) that can’t be stolen by others.  Your identity should never depend on the opinion of another person alone. That’s why social media comments or popularity are not reliable or sustainable.  I love that Mary chose the one thing that couldn't be taken from her and that was her connection to Jesus. 

But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42

 

5. Become emotionally secure enough to compliment other’s gifts and value.

It's true that we actually feel better about ourselves when we can authentically praise someone else for their virtues, and stop constantly comparing our features. 

Don't be selfish; don't try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

Any you would add?

How To Build A Healthier Community

If you want authenticity…you have to go first.  That’s not easy.  When I am meeting someone, I like to ask questions of them because when people talk about themselves they walk away having a more meaningful experience with you.  That’s easy part and the first part.  Once you realize you have a connection, it’s important to make that connection authentic and that happens when you choose to “give them the gift of going second” as you are the first to “open up.”  So as a creator of connection, builder of community, a leader of leaders, you have to take that initiative.

“Authenticity dismantles who others want you to be and enhances who you’re supposed to be.”

Community without that natural chemistry is forced, mildly boring and lacks energy.  So as the one “reading this post” you now have the responsibility to cultivate authenticity with your relationships.  You are charged with helping others tear down their walls, to lower the drawbridge and to let others in.  You can be a castle that’s closed or you can be a greenhouse that grows.  Authenticity grows you to becoming a better Christian…a better human being.   

So the question to ask your community is this:  Is this a safe place for me tobe myself?  Because the most authentic you is the you others are longing for and what God is waiting for…. Authenticity dismantles who others want you to be and enhances who you're supposed to be.  So be vulnerable.  Vulnerability says I accept you before you accept me.  Authenticity starts when you become vulnerable in your relationships.  When you choose vulnerability you choose community. 

So stop self-protecting.   

Allowing ourselves to truly experience our emotions is a beautiful thing and is the first step toward becoming a well-rounded and emotionally balanced person. It’s hard for people to see what a complete mess underneath while at the same time showing my cool exterior. But as I got older, I realized that being transparent with the people I care about is a true joy that many miss out.  Instead of the freedom to be ourselves, we instead try to re-adjust ourselves according to who we think people want us to be.

“Originality isn’t an option but an obligation.”

Here’s why this is wrong:  Everyone is deserving of unconditional love.  This is the love of God so we need this, it’s the kind of love that we were made to contain.  When we hide the things about ourselves we deem “undesirable,” we’re building shaky relationships that eventually collapse because they are build on a façade and not a foundation.    

That’s why authenticity is one of the greatest gifts you can give someone.  Someone who is not authentic can still be a leader and connect but will not add value to our community.  A person who connects and cares authentically adds value to their community by making a positive contribution.  The biggest blockage to this authentic community is self-protection. 

How do we cultivate authenticity in our communities?

Self-Protection is rooted in fear and results in hiding vs authenticity is rooted in vulnerability and results in originality 

Not everyone will like you.  This was hard for me to realize because I thought I was a pretty likable dude.  But that’s part of life I guess.  But those who do like you will like you best when you are truly yourself.  Sometimes we don’t’ want o to be caught being yourselves” because we fear others may not like what they see.  So we chose to hide it from others until it’s “safe to reveal” the our true selves. That’s why sincerity and originality seam to go together. I live in MN and there’s nothing like walking on a freshly snowed sidewalk…not just hearing the crunch against the silent snowfall but walking and making prints of my own.  Herman Melville says it this way,

“It’s better to fail in originality than succeed in imitation.  –Herman Melville

Originality isn’t an option but an obligation.  David couldn’t wear Saul’s armor so why are you modeling someone else’s?  David learned that lesson.  You be you and you do you.  Because your community needs it.

Self protection controls situations vs authenticity celebrates people 

Fear is controlling. And fear can permeate a situation quickly.  But it can be conquered by authenticity.  When you are authentic, you are showing others who you are and that’s a good thing.  When you become yourself in front of others you celebrate yourself for the benefit of others.  Authenticity dismantles who others want you to be and enhances who you're supposed to be.  And that takes courage.  Courage is comes from the latin word Kerr which is where we get the word “heart.”  Fear is overcome when the heart of the person is revealed ad to others.   You can’t make everyone happy…that’s never been your job.  But you can make people better.  Imitating others makes you a copy of others around you but the real you makes others around you complete.   Seth Godin says it like this,

 “Because, while we're each unique, we have far more in common than we're comfortable admitting. Amplifying our differences may make us feel special, but it's not particularly useful when it comes to getting better. ... Being unique is a great way to hide from the change we need when someone offers us a better future. Learning from the patterns and the people who have come before, though, is the only way any of us advance. “-Seth Godin

True community requires authenticity.  And you can’t express authenticity without others.  So ask yourself…how can you leverage your nique qualities to add value to others in your community?

Self-Protection wastes emotional energy vs authenticity creates relational connectivity

Your iphone has only so much memory and your emotional capacity has only so much energy.  When you pretend to be someone who “has it all together” or try to be “the charismatic one or popular one”, it drains you and and isn’t sustainable.  Give yourself permission to be yourself and you will enjoy being yourself. 

If You're Lacking Spiritual Growth It's Because You Might Be Lacking This

Spiritual growth is not only a mark of Christian life but a necessity of Christian life.  If you are the same person you were last year at this time...then you have some spiritual "growing up" to do.  Becoming more like Jesus is our mandate. Loving God and loving others is our marching orders.  So why do we lack spiritual growth at times in our lives?

Community life is something that should be a "no-brainer" for Christians.  Yet, it is always seems to be a challenge for churches.  So here it is:  you need others.  Your origin story is found and bound in your relationship with God.  Genesis 1:28 confirms this  when God says, “let us make man in Our image.”  God is confirming the truth that "this is US" is better than “this is me."  Your tribe makes you stronger.  Your friends make you better.  Every word they say, every value the cultivate and the culture they create are influencing you.  For the better and for the worse.  Your community is shaping you whether you believe it or not.  They are molding you whether you want them to or not.  Show me your tribe and I'll show you you're trajectory.  Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.  Show me your community life and I'll show you your spiritual life.  

“How to tell the difference between someone giving you an opinion vs wisdom: opinions fuel judgement but wisdom fuels guidance.”

Others are necessary for spiritual life to even exist. It’s hard for you to be seen and heard by GOD in your life when you are desperate to be seen and heard by OTHERS in your life.  If your community is making it hard for you to be accepted...then a change of community will mean a change of spiritual growth for you.  You need people for your spiritual life to exist. Not just anybody..but a community that is centered around the love of Christ. A community centered on the attributes of Jesus means it's a community that is practicing unconditional love, forgiveness, radical acceptance of those who are different, a heart for serving others, etc.  Yet, it seems we choose to put more value on our "alone time."  I understand we need time to chill and decompress but that should not be our normal.  Someone recently said to me, "I only can get close to God when it's completely silent with no one around."  I understand we need alone time with God but that was never meant to be our only time and place for an authentic encounter with God.  God uses your community to speak from.  For example, if you're not hearing from God like you used to be, check first to see how isolated you are because it's in community where God often speaks.   God will use the prayers of people around you to release miracles in you. God will inspire the worship around you and to reveal who God is to you.   God will use the Bible spoken from others to you to declare God is for you.  

“you can’t authentically encourage someone when your proud because it means you’re too focused on being better than that person than trying to better that person.  ”

Maybe that's why God puts such a massive emphasis on covenant.  And maybe we need to revisit that word again.  The Bible uses the word "covenant" when speaking of the value of others in your life.  Generally a covenant with someone means that you feel you need them because without them you feel lost because with this covenant we find ourselves connected to each other so that we can accomplish more.  Without you I can't.  Without you I won't.  So we choose to enter into relationships that are not meant to be broken...this is a covenant.  That's why in the Bible, covenants were sealed with an animal sacrifice to show the severity of our bond of "we don't give up on each other unless one of us dies."  That's commitment. It's a commitment to say I need you.  It's a commitment to say I need others in my life because I can be more and do more with you.   It's not about needing the right people to help you accomplish something it's more about having the right people help you become something...becoming a stronger person in our faith, in your families and in our workplace.  

“Discover who God is and you discover who you are but bury God and you bury yourself.”

“True success in life is not measured by the number of promotions before me but the number of successors coming after me.  ”

We live in a society that defines us by our work and values us because of our accomplishments. That compels us to fall into the trap of doing more work and doing better work versus becoming a better person so my work can become better.   Your job isn't walking down a "career path" but discovering who God made you to be and be the best version of you to others for 40+ hours a week. This is what your community should do...help you find yourself.   The quality of your work will increase when the quality of your relationships increase.  The right people surrounding you helps your perspective get better, your contentment stronger and your influence greater.  Not only that, but your measure of success purer.  Your definition of success changes from what I want to accomplish in life to who can I raise up in my life.  True success in life is not measured by the number of promotions before me but the number of successors coming after me.  Trust me, the older I get, the more it seems the most important thing I will accomplish will be who I raise up in life and not what I do in life.  

3 Questions to ask yourself about your spiritual growth:

1.  Can you be yourself in your community?

No one can worship God like you or for you.  Being yourself is what God is looking for and what the world is waiting for.  If you can't be you, then you are robbing your community of the value you can bring and robbing God of an opportunity to show off his creative work.  Remember, we are God's artwork, created in Christ, to do good works that God set up beforehand so we can walk in and "me do me and you do you." (Ephesians 2:10)  Your community should be excavating and unearthing what God put in you before you were ever born (Jeremiah 1:5-7).  Be in a community that pursues God and challenges you so pursue God.  Discover who God is and you discover who you are but bury God and you bury yourself.

2.  How mature is your community?

Spiritual maturity is giving to God and others and not getting from God and others.  Valuing others before they value you creates an environment for everyone to be included.  Being the first to forgive than "waiting" for an apology is what your friends need from you.  Cultivate being a vulnerable person because vulnerability says "I accept you before you accept me."  Be teachable and stop resisting sound correction because they are calling things out of you because they care.  God says it best here,

"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:9-11

3.  Do you feel better when you are in your community?

The key to this is does your community encourage each other?  To encourage someone means to "in-courage" or "put courage in" others.  I've realized first-hand that you can't authentically encourage someone when your proud because it means you're too focused on being better than that person than trying to better that person.  Condemnation is one of the worst things for a community.  Shame keeps you and everyone in your community from moving forward.  Jesus showed this to a community of  pharisees when they were going to punish a woman who was in adultery.  He didn't condemn her or shame her but spoke wisdom.  Your community isn't free from those in it making bad decisions.  Your relationships around you can give wisdom or give opinions.  How to tell the difference between someone giving you an opinion vs wise counsel: opinions can fuel judgement but wisdom always fuels guidance.

Jesus understood being devoted to a community of people was enough to change the world so...how intentional are you with the community God has given you?  

Any I'm missing? 

Avoiding The Biggest Mistake of your Life

It's not always what you feel.  It's not always what you see. 

Emotions will mess with you.  

Feelings will mess with you. 

Not just mess with you, but will get you focused on the wrong things.  I think fear is one of the biggest emotions and feelings that has some of the most pull.  I think it does because fear is the opposite of faith.  Let's put it this way, if the opposite of faith is fear, then I would suggest fear is faith for the Kingdom of Darkness. The more you fear, the stronger the "kingdom of darkness" becomes in your life.  The more you fear, the darker it becomes and the darker it gets the harder it is to see clearly.  When you get focused on worrying, your attention gets pulled away from certainty and peace that is from God.   When you get focused on anger and resentment, you get pulled away from the love and forgiveness that is from God.  

That's why "how I'm feeling isn't how I'm doing."  If you are feeling afraid, worried or resentful then that isn't your future.  Not to mention...that isn't your reality.  Sometimes we live in a false reality that has been generated and perpetuated by what we feel.  I LOVE IT when my feelings "line up" with the truth of my life.  Those feelings are meant to back you and support you.  But when your feelings don't line up...that's when you have to not live by your feelings but live by the truth of God.  You may feel like having sex with your girlfriend but that's not what you are supposed to do. You may feel like you're not valued or wanted by others and feel alone but that's not the truth of your reality.  You may feel like you don't love your spouse anymore because you don't "feel in love" but that 's not the truth of your marriage because you said yes back in your past that no matter what, you will love your spouse.  You may feel fat but that's not the reality of your situation because that someone struggling with anorexia only ways 86 pounds (far from being fat!).  

So when you feel something, make the mistake and be reactive to your emotions but be proactive towards God's truth about your situation.  Because God's truth is your reality.  Jesus is the truth, way and life.  What you should do, if you should do it and how you should live are all found in the character, life and example that Jesus revealed to us.  Remember when Jesus made this statement, 

“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” (Luke 22:42).  

Jesus is feeling that he DOES NOT want to do this.  Yet He says, "nevertheless."  He knows this is right because God says it's right despite what He's feeling in the moment.  Remember this statement,

"Father forgive them.  They don't know what they are doing."  (Luke 23:44)

In the center of the ridicule of the opposition, Jesus could have chosen to feel resentment but chose to look at the truth of the mission He was on compelling Him to move past what He was feeling to forgive.  

The reality is bad things will happen to you.  It's sad to say, but it's just part of living in a broken world with broken people.  So change your perspective.  If your core value is all things happen to me for my good ...then this is your perspective (Romans 8:28).  This should be your perspective because this is God's perspective. So...what if you saw things from God's perspective?  From God's perspective being laid off is actually a "a new God assignment to bless more people."  From God's perspective, experiencing a breakup is the removal of a bad relationship leading to a bad future.  From God's perspective, the loss of a loved one to sickness or disease is celebrating the healed and restored life of that person in heaven with no more sickness, disease, tears or pain.  

God knows what He is doing, .... it's not WHAT IS happening to you but WHO IS watching over you and working it out for you.  Life will throw you zingers...so make "zingenade", chug it down and finish with a confident "that was delicious.  Since when did Zingenade become a thing?"  Taste and see that the Lord is good.  Because we serve a God who works all things out for good.  So even though you're emotions freak you out, you know what you believe.  

So ask yourself this question, "What would love do?"

Even if you get it wrong, but your motive is right, God who rights wrongs because His justice is perfect will right your wrong so you win in the end... always.  Because when the people aren't good or the situation isn't good...God always is.  

So trust God.  Fix your eyes on Jesus.  Author.  Perfector.  Finisher of your fatih.  

 "You are what you feel" is an unreliable and untrustworthy position to live in...

#blunt on calling

Stop wishing you were someone else.  You are God’s authentication not someone else’s imitation.   Be “you-nique.”  You are made in God’s image and God cannot be contained and it cannot not be stopped.  That’s why there will never be an exact copy of you because that means that God is starting over.  To make a copy is to stop creating...and God never stops creating.  At the center of what you love and what you need is who you are made to be and what you are made to do. 

Your calling starts by giving you permission to be yourself.  Once you can be yourself you find yourself...and that's where your calling is discovered.  Before the foundation of the world God created who you were meant to be as your foundation.  Discovering your calling is not about working harder or going farther but digging deeper to discover who you are meant to be. So be your original and not someone else’s ideal. That takes confidence but true confidence is not what you do with God but what God does with you.  Be true and authentic to God so you can find your true and authentic self.  Being the most authentic you is what God is looking for and what the world is waiting for.  When you discover who you are meant to be, you won’t want to be anyone else. 

(If you love this blunt post on being yourself to discover your calling you will also love the latest message at River Valley Church in our Made For Monday's series...click here)

#blunt on shame

The greatest human desire is to be connected.  Shame is the greatest enemy of authentic connection between God and man and healthy community with each other.  Shame says you should be excluded and that you aren't valuable anymore.  That you're a disgrace.  To "dis' grace" is to reject the very God-ordained and valuable acceptance that you don't have to earn to belong with God and others.  The first observance of shame is first observed in the Bible when Adam and Eve sinned.  God's response is "where are you?"  This isn't because God didn't know where they were but because God wanted to know how they were.  Shame compels you to remove yourself and put yourself into hiding.  Shame leads to isolation.  Shame wants to keep you in solitary confinement.  Your response:  get out of isolation because it won't end well for you if you stay there.  Isolation and rejection may be the reaction of the kingdom of man but the response of the Kingdom of God is acceptance and belonging.  

You can recognize the voice of shame because shame says "you are the wrong person...you DON'T belong" but forgiveness has a different tone to it. Forgiveness says,  "even though you made the wrong choice...you STILL belong."  That's why repentance is so powerful. Repentance removes shame from you and vulnerability keeps it from returning to you.  Vulnerability is the willingness to say, "I accept you before you accept me."  Vulnerability is the starting place of connection and authenticity is the substance of that connection. Authenticity dismantles who others want you to be so you can be who you're supposed to be despite your faults and sins. Shame will try to label you.  But you are not your temptation.  You are a son or daughter of God the father...and that doesn't change.  

Why Does God Seem To Speak To Others But Me?

I have heard other Christians say this to me...and the reality is that it's simply not true.  God actually does want to speak to you and IS speaking to you.  He has so many things to say and reveal about His thoughts towards you that they are as many as the grains of sand on beach of your last Spring Break trip to Daytona (Psalm 139:17-18).  So if God has that many things to say about you...then maybe we should tune into at least one?

I have made it a personal mission to try to hear God.   The closer you get to God the better you can hear him.  The more you know God the more you know yourself.  The opposite is true as well:  the less you know God, the less you know about yourself.  Anytime someone who loves you more than you can ever imagine wants to speak to you...you want to hear what they have to say.  

Here's what we know about God's voice:

+ God has a voice.  We know this because of the 3rd verse of the Bible when God spoke light into darkness (Genesis 1:3).  

+ You can hear his voice if you are a follower of Jesus.  In the new Testament we read some powerful words, “I am the good shepherd and I know My own and My own know Me.  My sheep hear My voice and I know them and they follow Me” (John 10:14, 27).  

+ You hear by the Holy Spirit.    Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to guide us into truth, to speak these truths loud and clear (John 14:26; 16:13-15).  

+ Hearing God is prophetic.  Prophecy is Jesus, about Jesus and restoring people back to Jesus (Revelation 19:10)

Journal note:   I have a very practical guide to hearing God’s voice on a past journal entry here.

I want to be a Christian who is with Jesus so that I can hear Him and be with Him.  Out of that intimacy comes a revelation of who He is, who I am and what I am made to do.   If we can cultivate that kind of closeness with God, it allows us to see and hear things which simply overflows out of us.  The love of God for me leads me to have a prophetic lifestyle or in other words, a lifestyle that lives from hearing God speak and me following Him.  That’s why Scripture says, “Follow the way of love and eagerly desire gifts of the Spirit, especially prophecy.”  1 Corinthians 14:1 That’s what prophetic words and ministry can do for you.  That’s what hearing God’s voice can do for you.  It helps you become who you were always meant to be.  God speaking to you connects you to your designed purpose and what you were created to be and do.  Discovering and calling out the future selfthat God has destined for them that they can’t see yet but you can!  It’s catching a glimpse of the YOU that is the YOU that you were always meant to be. 

Jesus choose the disciples He chose their occupations, the personalities, their shortcomings, their dysfunctions, their lack of education… because He saw who they could be and would be.  He not only saw them but called it out of them.  

Living out the life of Jesus as a Christian should demand from all of us a prophetic eye and ear to see the “what could be” with those we are discipling.  When we are loved like that by Jesus and by those who follow Jesus, it transcends our limitations and we start to live like we always were intended to live.  That’s why having an ear to hear God is important to you, your family and your leadership. 

5 Ways To Translate God’s Voice:

 

GOD SPEAKS TO EVERYONE.  

We live in a noisy culture.  We have a God who speaks regularly.  This is the tension as a creation of God.  He is either speaking “come to me” to those that don’t know God and to those that do know God, He is revealing who He is and who they are supposed to be (Romans 10:17 & Romans 5:8).  So be still and know (Psalm 46:10) or the Hebrew word for “know” is be intimately acquainted with.  So stop just praying on your car ride to work and spend a few minutes before everyone is up and listen. 

My friend Eric Samuel Timm says this in his book, The Static Jedi, ““Battling the noise is creating a space for God and acknowledging the space He occupies, which is all of it. Invite God into all twenty-four hours of your day.”  So invite Him and see what He’ll say…

“Battling the noise is creating a space for God and acknowledging the space He occupies, which is all of it. Invite God into all twenty-four hours of your day.”

— Eric Samuel Timm

GOD’S VOICE IS CHARACTERIZED BY LOVE.

God sounds like love (Galations 5:6).  There is no condemnation in Christ but grace and mercy.  These are strong indicators you are hearing God’s voice if these expressions are part of what you are hearing.  Grace is acceptance by God you cannot earn accept by Jesus and mercy is forgiveness you don’t deserve but have received in Christ.  It's faith expressing itself with love.  

GOD’S PURPOSE FOR SPEAKING TO YOU AND TO OTHERS IS TO PRIMARILY REVEAL THE FATHER’S LOVE.

Jesus longed for the disciples to experience the love of the Father.  That same love of the Father that was ESSENTIAL for Jesus to live by is the same love that Jesus wants for us to experience and that is available for us ( John 17:24-25).  Jesus didn't do anything without the Father endorsing it and Him.  What if we lived the same way?

GOD REVEALS HIS THOUGHTS TO YOU SO YOU HAVE HIS THOUGHTS.   

You don’t become conformed but you become transformed when your mind is renewed by God’s thoughts (Romans 12:2)  You hear God by the Holy Spirit.  No one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.  But we receive the Spirit of God to not receive the spirit of the world but God Himself to allow us to see and know His will, purpose and plans for us and others (1 Corinthians 2:9)

GOD’S VOICE MAKES YOU COMPLETE.  

The heart of the disciples who experienced the presence and life-giving words of Jesus was to bring that very experience to others.  Experiencing what you see and hear when you are with the Father and makes you complete not only relationally but spiritually.   (1 John 1:1-4)

How have you heard God's voice lately?

#blunt on Holiness

Holiness is protecting what is most valuable, sacred and special by keeping it safe secure and protected.   That is your relationship with God.  So choose to fight against what could hurt your relationship and fiercely protect and nurture your relationship with God.  It’s saying a simple "yes" to God in everything He brings you and not a list of “no’s” about everything around you.  It’s embracing who you are with God than resisting who you are without God.  Holiness proves who God is first and then proves who you are second. That's the difference between “what I can do for God”  versus “what I can do because of God.”  When the Holy Spirit fills you, you become Holy, your family becomes Holy, your career becomes Holy, your classroom becomes Holy, etc.  The opinions of others become powerless and the convictions of God become powerful.  So a change of situation doesn’t lead to a change of conviction and you continue to stay true to who you are despite your surroundings.  It’s less “being in the world but not of it” and instead becomes more about “belonging in the world and renewing it.” 

Holiness is being set apart so that you can go back into the crowds and be a compelling force to affect the actions, behavior, and opinions of others.  Holiness is influence.  David was set apart in a field and set apart by Samuel so that he could go into the crowds of soldiers and influence a King, an army and a giant.  Moses was set apart in the wilderness to go back into culture of Egypt to change the hearts of an administration of oppression.  Jesus was set apart in a desert so He could go back and face the opposition.  Holiness doesn’t keep us separated but compels us to run towards our devils, our Pharisees, our giants and our pharaoh’s.   

Creating a Culture of Authentic Friendship Part 3

We are talking bout the power of a strong friendships and why you need them in your life.  If you haven' read Part 1 and 2 you can read them here...

God has called you to community.  From the beginning God said in Genesis 1:28, "Let US make them in OUR image."  God is concerned about you but is also committed to US. God is a God of connection and relationship and so we should be also.  Friendship was God's design.  God said that He sees us as friends of His (John 15:15).  So finding a secure, vulnerable, honest, trustworthy, life-giving, sincere, forgiving and faithful friend is who God is to us and who God has in mind for you and your relationships.  This is why a culture of friendship is not just a good idea but necessary.  It's who God is and it's who we should be too.

Here is what God says about friendship below:

1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.

Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

Proverbs 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Colossians 3:13-14 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Proverbs 27:6 Wounds from a friend can be trusted...

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

John 15:2-13 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Romans 12:10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Out do one another in showing honor.

Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Colossians 3:12-14 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.

One thing is for sure:  belonging is necessary.  We belong with each other and we need each other.  We need each other for wisdom, counsel, encouragement, perspective, support, inspiration, loyalty, faithfulness and to push us.  

Hebrews 10:24 says, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”  

We all know the uncomfortable feeling of experiencing the jab of a friend.   The times when we feel the prick of their words and actions and it doesn't feel good.  That sharp prick can be one of two things:  a spur or a dagger.  Because their is a big difference between a "spur in our side" and a "stab in our back."  Many of us know the pain of a dagger in the back when we lose the trust of a friend through betrayal, dishonesty and disloyalty.  We trusted them and they chose to stab us in the back.  But the purpose of spurs is different than the purpose of daggers when it comes to friendships.  A swords purpose is stop forward motion by "killing" the opposition but a "spurs" purpose is to unleash potential.  A spur's purpose is to unleash the capacity in the animal to go farther and faster.  Both are sharp and inflict pain but one is concerned about moving friendship forward and the other is concerned about stopping friendship all together.  That's why God is clear that we must "consider" or "to think carefully before making a decision" when you feel the prick and the pain in a relationship.  I think too many relationships ended prematurely because the pain of a spur was mistaken for dagger in the back.  A friends purpose is to push you past your hurt, past your pain and past your "past" so that you can run in such a way to not just gain ground but to win.  

We need friends to challenge us.  

We need friends who we can be transparent with.

We need friends who we have been given permission to call it like they see it. 

We need "Nathan's."  

David needed a Nathan who challenged him and was given permission to access his life in a way that no one else could to speak to him in a way that no one else could (Samuel 12).  Nathan showed David the error of his ways.  This friendship was not only reliable and trustworthy but centered in God.  Making Nathan's wisdom and counsel not just emotional and to the point but saturated with God's wisdom and authority.  Because that's when David's perspective shifted back to God's perspective.  Sometimes friends tell us what we don't want to hear and the question is are you listening?  

That's why we should fight for friendship.  Don't give up so easily.  Stand by someone...even when it's difficult.  Because you make them a better person.  

God says it this way in Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."

Your rub on me is what I need to keep me from become useless.  There is mutual benefit in the rubbing of two iron blades together; the edges become sharper, making the knives more efficient in their task to cut and slice. Likewise, it is with this that we are to sharpen one another—in times of vulnerable relationship.  Not only do we become sharp but we gain our purpose again.  A dull knife sits in the drawer but sharp knife will find itself in the hands of the user farm more than any of the others.  

Who in your life is challenging you?

Creating a Culture of Authentic Friendship Part 2

Belonging is not just a buzz-word but a true desire for The New Young Christian.  We are talking about creating a culture of authentic friendship and If you haven't had a chance to read Part 1 you can read about it here.  

Why a culture of authentic friendship?  

Because we live in a culture that seems to promote faux friendship.  We choose to exchange love for "likes from others" and friendship for "follows" from others.  Or in other words, "friendship" that is perceived to be genuine but in reality lack depth, isn't costly, not messy and is missing boldness.  The result of a loss of these kinds of friendships means that we seem to be more alone and more lonely than we think.  

We may not realize it but we are missing a relationship hat we never knew we could have that for some of us, have never experienced it before. Imagine having a relationship that will commit to seeing you succeed no matter what.  Imagine having a friendship that believes in you when you don't even believe in yourself.  Isn't that the heart of God?  We need people who see the potential in us when we don't see it ourselves.  We need people to help us excavate our potential in us so we can be the person God we have always thought we could be and that God has always meant for us to be.  We need friends that not only tell us "you can do it" but imagine having a friendship that is absolutely honest with you.  When you are doing something that seems to be moving you towards a negative outcome, they are unafraid to call it out and are bold enough to accept your rejection when you don't see it.  Here's the point:  You need someone in your life to tell you "no" and to stick with you when you reject their no.  Those friendships are hard to find but when you find it, hold onto them and don't let go.  Because if you choose to stay by their side and you choose to fight alongside, you give each other a gift...the gift of loyalty.  

A loyal friend is a gift.  

What does loyalty really looks like?  We say vows to one another that we will be with them through it all but when it gets hard we divorce and leave.  When we don't like our boss or our work situation, we decide to find another job or simply become our own boss.  When we don't feel like we are loved, we choose to walk away from a relationship, an organization or a cause based on a feeling.  

The true definition for loyalty is God.  Scripture tells us that even if we are not loyal, He remains loyal to us.  The bible calls this faithfulness.  Even when we choose to not be faithful to God, He still is faithful to us...no matter what we've done.  God says "nothing can separate Me from you...nothing (Romans 8:31-39). The Word of God continually says that God will never leave us, turn his back on us but will continue to work in us and be with us until the end.

Authentic friendships are not only essential but addicting.  Scientists have confirmed something that Rachel, Monica, Joey, Chandler, Phoebe and Ross understood... that having friends is a "must-have" or we might even say "addicting"  (that's my "Friends" reference for you "old-schoolers" but for some of you reading this, just think the 4 kids in Stranger Things kind of friendship).  According to new research published in Scientific Reports, individuals who have a lot of close friends have a higher pain tolerance than people who don't and being around them provides a more powerful than expected endorphin rush that you would find in drug use.  Researchers explained it this way:  

One theory, known as 'the brain opioid theory of social attachment', is that social interactions trigger positive emotions when endorphin binds to opioid receptors in the brain. This gives us that feel-good factor that we get from seeing our friends.

In other words, being surrounded by your friends is a more effective painkiller than morphine itself.  In a time when we are addicted to many things that are harmful, to have a relentless commitment to one another might be the best high you could have in life.  In a time when we are experiencing the pain of loss of relationships (divorce, abandonment, etc) your friends are the "morpine" to your pain.

It makes sense why our creator made us this way.  God knew our need for relationship and the power of friendship.  Jesus modeled friendship this way:  

"Greater love has no man than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."  John 15:13

Friendship that is sacrificial.  

Friendship that is fought for.

Friendship that is honest.

Friendship that is durable.

Friendship that is forgiving.  

Friendship is hard.

Friendship is risky.

Friendship is forgiving. 

Friendship is essential. 

Friendship is trust.

The most essential ingredient of having a culture of authentic friendship is trust.  Because without it, it leads to isolation which produces loneliness.  Loneliness is when we choose to put up walls whether we realize it or not keeping us safe and while ultimately keeping others out.   Some of us have been wounded.  We've trusted and someone hurt us.  We've opened up and we have been rejected.  We have trusted and been let down.  That causes us to pull back and to let only certain people into our lives as long as they meet the criteria.  Over time, we begin to make unhealthy statements  to ourselves that are this:  "I don't trust them" or "I will never forgive" or "they owe me an apology" or  "they are going to have to approach me first" which ultimately become the bricks for the walls we build.  That's why when God puts us into community, we have an obligation to be aware of walls and to break them down.  God says it this way in Galations 6:1,

"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently."

When we see someone who is offended, hurt or living in unforgiveness, we should approach them gently and lovingly lead them back to trusting again.  

Question:  Is this the culture of friendship that you are creating?

Part 3 is next....

Creating A Culture of Authentic Friendship Part 1

How do you do friendship well?  We love our friends.  In an era when we spend more time in front of screens and talking on (and to) our phones, human engagement with those we trust is more necessary than ever (Siri is the new normal but to bring her to 6 Flags with me and strap her into the seat next to me as we enjoy the Hulk Coaster is not is not what I'm talking about).  We are discovering as a culture that the more that we spend time on with technology and on social media, we are becoming more connected while also becoming more alone at the same time.  This paradox is revealing to us that as human interaction goes down, anxiety and depression increases making finding true friendship critical for life.  

God has called you to community.  Plain and simple.  If Jesus were to model friendship for us, we would see a community of friends that would eat, sleep, work and do life together.  How you conduct your life and how healthy you are determines the quality of friendships around you determines the culture of friendship you have.  

Genuine friendship is hard to find.  Faking friendship is wrong but seems easier than cultivating genuine friendship.  In an age when we edit the best parts of our social life on instagram, tweet the exciting parts of our life and share the best moments on facebook, comparison and discouragement has potential to erode friendships even though our motive is to celebrate the relationships we have on our social media channels.  Becoming "friends" and "liking" what you are doing gives us paradoxal language that takes the word "friend" and makes it into a flippant click and a non-emotional "liking of people" and things making it hard to appear or even feel genuine.  Real friendship isn't just momentary taps on our keyboard but it's an authentic choice to say you belong when we agree and an acceptance of the other when we disagree.  

Scott Sauls, in his book Befriend, says it this way about genuine friendship:

“Real friends not only agree but disagree; real friends not only applaud each other’s strengths but challenge each other’s weaknesses; real friends not only enjoy life together but struggle through life together; real friends not only praise one another but apologize and forgive one another; real friends not only rally around their points of agreement but love and learn from their points of disagreements... And when everybody matures and grows, everybody wins.”

— Scott Sauls, Befriend

Real friends not only agree but disagree; real friends not only enjoy each other but hurt each other; real friends not only applaud each other’s strengths but challenge each other’s weaknesses; real friends not only enjoy life together but struggle through life together; real friends not only praise one another but apologize to and forgive one another; real friends not only rally around their points of agreement but love and learn from their points of disagreement. 

The origin of the word "friend" is defined as:  to love and to favor.  Even going one step further the root word of friend is "freo" which is defined as this..."free."  The essence of friendship is freedom.  I love this.  A true friendship gives you freedom for you to be yourself and for others to be themselves.  If you don't feel you can be "free" with those around you...their is a case to be made as to if they are your true friends.  

This means their are two critical parts of friendship:  

The freedom of being known by others and the freedom of knowing others.  

The freedom of being known by others means you are open, you are authentic, you are genuine, you are sincere, you share your passions, you share your interests, you share your story.  We all have a story that MUST be told and heard.  This freedom of being known means you speak the truth on the issues that matter to you, you share what you dislike, you give your opinion, you share your frustrations, etc.  This is where it becomes vulnerable for you.  But when we do, their is a freedom that comes when we can truly share our true feelings.  But we don't share these feelings enough because we do what others do to us:  we judge, we condemn and we pull away.  So we guard ourselves.  This is why a culture of authentic friendship matters.  Because when YOU stop judging others by what they say, you give others permission to stop judging as well.  When you decide to stop pulling back in a relationship because they say or believe differently than you but drawn new year, listen and have a dialogue of understanding.   By coming in closer to those who believe differently than you (especially true in the hutch) you are creating a frendship culture that is healthy because you can be free to be you and to allow others to be themselves too.  

The other half of friendship is the freedom of knowing others which means you get to know their story too.  When we meet someone, we choose to fill in the gap of what we think about a person by judging their outside appearance and actions.  But hen we discover their story.  Suddenly or judgments and accusations begin to change into statements of  "I never knew that about them" or "that explains why they are that way" or "me too."   We begin to discover a story about someone that makes us a better person and in turn an better community.  We have got to become better listeners and even better celebrators!  n his book  on how we love one another, The Four Loves, C.S. Lewis says that all true friendship begins when one person looks at another and says, “You, too?” We need our  "you too?" moments.  This is the common ground on which we we begin to accept them and the is the foundation of friendship to many of us.  

Do you find it easy to share your story with others? Are you a good listener of other stories?

Just be getting to unpack this topic on spiritual friendship   Part 2 is coming tomorrow......

Sifting For the Truth Amongst the Fake

Fake news.  False reports.  Fact checking. 

Here’s what I’m realizing:  everyone has a deep desire to know the truth.  Our hardest part is differentiating truth from opinions.  Truth is absolute and opinions are resolute.  Truth is factual and opinions are emotional.  Truth is accurate and opinions acclimate.  Truth authenticates and opinions speculates.   Truth is principled and opinion is personal.

I realize there are times when our opinion’s come into alignment with truth.  I would argue we want our opinions to be truth.  But what I’m simply trying to do is show the difference between how we analyze a situation versus how we feel about a situation.  Because there are times when how we feel about something is different than what is the truth about something.

Recently my son and I were working math problems.  I have a hard time changing the oil of my car in my driveway to show my son that “his dad is valuable for life success” so I have to resort to showing off my video game skills, breakdance moves and keen math intuition (fun fact:  I was considering being a math teacher – but not the boring kind but the fun kind – the kind that says “If you have the high score in Call of Duty and your buddy, jacked up on 5 hour energy drinks beats you by 36%, what is the total points that ….” – you get my drift).  My son begins to ask for help on checking his long division.  When I pointed out that 19 divided by 6 is not 3, he began to get upset and tell me how he knows it’s right because he “felt he did the right formula.”  He then points with his fingers and shows me that “see dad, three 6’s fit into 19.”  We all know there is a remainder of “1” that my kid couldn’t wrap his head around or understand. Even though he was right about three 6’s, the teacher would still mark it incorrect if he didn’t show that.  His feelings were very real and he was right in his logic up to a point but his limited knowledge of the truth of division and his passionate feelings about being right about the answer misguided him. 

 He felt he was right…but he was still wrong.

I hate to say it, but 2 + 2 will never equal 5 no matter how you feel about it.  It is simply a truth that we all live by.  As young adults, we feel passionate about things.  We may even establish them as truths in our own mind.  However, there is a difference between opinions on matters and the truth of the matter.  As we spend time in our young adults communities and in your small groups or one-on-one, key cultural issues will surface in the midst of the conversation along with a variety of opinions.  So how do we find truth in the midst of opinions?

4 Thoughts To Help Millennials In Their Journey For Truth:

1. Scripture is always our starting point

As young adults and leaders leading this next generation, we can’t waver on the source of our truth. “Experts” are willing to give us their latest research and findings after studying a particular topic. Of course we should read, listen to, and chew on the findings in the areas of culture that we are passionate about? Absolutely! However, research and findings can never replace the complete source of truth: Scriptures.  So start with what the Bible says and work your way forward from there.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” (Psalm 119:105)

2. Keep asking questions

“Our hardest part is differentiating truth from opinions. Truth is absolute and opinions are resolute. Truth is factual and opinions are emotional. Truth is accurate and opinions acclimate. Truth authenticates and opinions speculates. Truth is principled and opinion is personal.
”

If you think asking questions or doubting what you believe makes you less of Christian…you are mistaken. You are owning your faith.  That is exactly what God wants and what the Christian community needs.  Followers of Christ who aren’t blindly following but who are sincere about what they believe makes the church relevant and stronger.  When we are in our communities, we don’t have to avoid the things that may seem difficult or may cause some controversy in the conversation. The fact that we are willing to talk about the hard questions of culture and faith breaks down a mindset that many young adults have:  You are not allowed to doubt or ask questions in church.  Simply not true.  The refugee crisis is divisive to Christians, some believe it’s our duty and some believe it’s dangerous.  So ask the questions and debate the answers.  You are not less of a Christian for doing it. 

As said earlier, we have to point out that some issues are not as easily solved or answered with the Bible or the church.  That’s ok.  Live in the grey but let BOTH loving God AND loving people guide your actions.  Loving God without loving people makes you “religious” and loving people without loving God makes you contentious.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  1 Corinthians 13:4

3. Its not “what” you think but “how” you think

In a society where everything is figured out for us by typing in a few words in Google or asking Siri, we have lost the desire or ability to actually think through an issue. Recently, if you think differently than the other, you are labeled anit-_______ than celebrating our differences, we have lost our courage to have conversations with those who think differently than us.  As a young adult community, take the role of helping each other learn how to think.

Ask hard questions—not information questions—but questions that intersect with the daily realities of life. Key individuals in my life challenged me to think. There were college professors and mentors who did not allow me to simply be satisfied with the “correct” answer or the “churchy” answers.  They asked me WHY I believe that which pushed me to consider how I came to that conclusion. I am grateful for leaders who gave me permission to “pushback” and helped me use my mind to find truth on critical issues. 

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

4.  The truth of an issue is different than the person tied to the issue

The hard part is when the truth of the Bible conflicts with our love for the person.  I was at a restaurant last night and I was talking with some bright and smart young adults in my community.  When we were talking, I realized the world isn’t as black and white on issues as it used to be.  What I mean is that issues that we are reading about and talking about aren’t just policies on paper but are tied to human beings connected to these issues.  We can’t talk about the truths of refugees, abortion, same sex attraction, etc without connecting them to someone we know or someone who knows someone. 

This makes it complicated.  Because as Christians, we have a source of truth that is undeniable to us:  Jesus.  He made it clear that He is the way, the truth and life.  The Bible, the Word of God, is also our source of truth.  As Christians we believe it to be the ultimate source of how we develop our convictions and celebrate our values.  However, it becomes complicated when we are trying to decide how we feel or what we think about a cultural issue.  In many cases...we have truth connected to our faith AND to a person.  This is where feelings cloud our judgments, judgments affect our opinions, opinions direct our emotions, emotions give us reactions.

The truth of a matter doesn’t change the truth that we love the person connected to the matter.  Grace and truth work together to give us posture and narrative that builds unity in our community rather than unraveling our community.  If you don’t have truth, you will have a weak community that doesn’t stand under pressure because their foundation will shift when the opinions do.  If you don’t have grace, you have a community that is selfish and exclusive.   The essence of the word “grace” means charitable and favorable.  So if we choose to not show favor and charity to those different than us, then your community becomes prejudiced.  Let grace and truth work together.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.  John 1:14

Any other thoughts I’m missing?

Finding Peace When You're Freaking Out

Stop freaking out.  I’m starting off blunt because too many people today are worried about:

What if I don’t get the job?

What if I don’t get married and am single my entire life?

What if they don’t get better but their sickness gets worse?

What if we don’t get the money?

What if I can’t find a place to live?

What if they fire me and I can’t find another job?

What if they don’t come back and I’m left alone?

What if the country falls apart?

Many of us face questions like this and in our heads it plays out to be the worst scenario.  That leads us to anxiety and worry about these situations and many others. 

Our response to our situation is to freak out.  So we reach for a pill, alcohol, reassurance of others, long bouts of sleep, a financial loan or deliberate denial of the situation hoping it goes away. 

Why? 

Because we long for calm, tranquility, bliss, contentment and quietness about our stressful conditions.  We long for peace.  So we search for it…and in most instances, we are searching for it in the wrong places.  Resulting in a peace that is temporary, false and not secure.  A fragile peace that is easily shattered by doubt, difficulty, disappointment, fear, failure, guilt, shame, anxiety, regret or a wrong choice.

But there is a peace that does not fluctuate when uncertainties of life come.  There is a peace that is not manipulated with the right substance or the right circumstance. There is a supernatural peace, a Godly peace, that has nothing to do with human beings or human circumstances.  In fact it cannot be produced by any means on this earth. 

This peace is a person.

The Bible speaks of this unique peace in 2 Thessalonians 3:16,

“16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at all times and in every situation. The Lord be with you all.”

Peace is a person. 

“It’s impossible to be overwhelmed by circumstances when you are overwhelmed by God. ”

God Himself is giving us peace which is…Himself.  That word “himself” in the Greek text is an emphatic word that underscores God’s “personal involvement” with us.  God is basically saying, Christ-centered peace, the peace that is unique to followers of Jesus, comes personally from Jesus Himself.  It is his essence.  It is his nature. 

God doesn’t get stressed out. 

Ever.

God doesn’t worry about things. 

Ever. 

God doesn’t get afraid.

Ever.

God lives in perfect contentment. 

Peace to us becomes an encounter with God.  Peace is a daily surrender to our creator.  Peace is a submission to the presence of Christ.  Peace is an alignment to His voice. 

That means this:  people can say whatever they want because you have access to what God says.  People can do whatever they want because you have a God who is doing on your behalf.   Situations can evolve how they need to because you have a God who is presiding right now over your situations.  Jobs can come and go because God is your provider.  Relationships can come and go because you have a God who loves you infinitely more than any person ever could.    In times of uncertainty you can be certain God is who He says He is and will accomplish all that He sets out to do.  It’s impossible to be overwhelmed by circumstances when you are overwhelmed by God. 

Philippians 4:7 says,

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Peace does not only come in the person of God but the peace of God guards us and protects us.  Fear and worry come at us from all angles.  Fear is from the enemy (2 Timothy 1:7; 1 John 4:18).  Worry is a sin (Matthew 6:25-27).  One operates in the flesh.  One operates from the enemy.  And we are not strong enough.  So God protects us and keeps us in peace.  Not only does God protect us with peace but peace is a weapon:

Romans 16:20 says,

“The God of peace will soon crush satan under your feet.”

Not God’s feet but yours!  The strength of the peace of God becomes yours now!  The peace you are experiencing from God now becomes your peace to not just feel good about you and your situation but to become a weapon of choice to destroy the attacks of the enemy who is trying to steal your peace.  God even reassures us of this by giving us the armor of God with the sandals of peace (Ephesians 6:15) to walk into whatever we are going through to face today with the presence of peace, the sandals of peace and the crushing power of peace as a weapon for you to walk into your future with confidence. 

Part 2 is next....